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Hi. Me and my ex broke up about a year or two ago and 4 kids 14 11 8 7.
We both didn't want to be together,
Anyways I was seeing my children regularly until my children meet my new partner and they all got on great and ex found out and slowly stopped contact, kids always asking me and my mum when we was seeing them, I kept texting and texting my ex for a date to come and get then for the weekend or in the holidays and just got back your not having them and I can't do anything to have them.
I moved in with new partner and still now nearly 10months I Havent seen my kids,
Ex has blocked me and only way I can talk to my kids is through my eldest on the phone,
Ex has told me eldest I'm allowed to have them on Boxing Day but she keeps changing her mind, 🙁 so in hoping when I turn up from mine to hers which is is a 5hour drive to get them that they are in.
Anyways my eldest boy has told me that my 11 girl has allot of trouble at school and started to start fights and hit her mum and she's a big girl and is very sensitive to everything, i believe she is crying out for help as her and all my kids are getting comments at them from my ex and her new partner about me and the kids tell me it isn't nice stuff And her mum is saying awful stuff to her which I class as abusive to a child, it's emotional abuse which isn't nice for anyone let along a child.
Now I'm thinking when I have my children hopefully on Boxing Day that she is so unhappy at home , I'm not taking her back home , I will put her in a school and get her some COunseilling and she'll live with me and my partner , my partner and my kids get on really well.
I'm on the birth certificate and I'm thinking I have shared parental responsibility so can I do that as I'm extremely worried about her, and think she'll go off the rails or get expelled from school.
I have rang nspcc at the beginning of this year as her mother dumped my daughter on me and said she couldn't cope ,and then wanted her back after a week or so,
so who would I have to ring to make sure it's ok and I won't get into trouble, or can I apply for a permanent resident order? How does it work and what do I have to do?
I feel so bad having to split the kids up but I'm so worried about her,
Can someone please help and advise me please ,
Thank you
Hi
This is quite a common situation, but is distressing nonetheless.
If you were married to your ex, then you do have parental responsibility (PR), and if you were unmarried but registered your name on their child’s birth certificate after 1st December 2003 then you do have PR.
Even if you have PR (it is not shared - by the way) this does not mean it is advisable to uproot your children, without first discussing (i.e. agreement between parents) this with the other person that has PR (i.e your ex, the childs mother). Doing so shows a respect and understanding of responsibilities (the R in PR) - even when your ex does not display the same respect towards you (or the child).
That said, if your children wanted to stay with you and there is no court order in place detailing where the child "lives", then it is unlikely that any agency would come and "take them back" right away. But if you did this against your ex's wishes, and your ex "wanted the children to live with her", she will likely ask for an emergency court hearing...and employ "other tactics" to get the children back under her roof. This can actually make matters worse for you.
If you and your ex cannot agree on a sensible schedule for visits or where the children/child lives, then the first step is to attempt mediation
www.nfm.org.uk/
They will ask for your ex's address/contact details and automatically invite her to mediation. Where possilbe, it is usually better to resolve matters without the "interference" of Court - and mediation can help here. Obviously some parents cannot (or some parents believe they have a "right" to randomly block a childs contact with the other parent), and in these cases a Court application for a child arrangements order should be made (via a C100). It is a requirement that the applicant attends a MIAM (mediation information meeting) and this signed declaration (from the mediator) forms parts of the C100 application. Because of the requirement for Court, it is advisable to arrange mediation as soon as possilbe.
There are many threads on here about this very situation - and some very good advice here already.
I will add that the 14 and 11 y/o will very likely have their "wishes and feelings" taken into account at Court (if it gets to Court). Bear in mind, Courts do not routinely split siblings up.
Regarding the "allegations of harm". Form C1a can be used alongside C100. But beware of making frivolous complaints, or complaints that will not stand up to "fact finding". Also doing so will invite counter allegations (no doubt) from your ex - again making the whole process more drawn out and longer.
Other here are more familiar with the process when allegations are made - and are better placed to answer/advise!
hope helps
Hi There,
.
If there has been no court involvemment up until this point then there won't be a residency order in place to say where the children should live, if there has been court involvment then there is lickely to be a residency order stating that the children live with your ex.
.
Either way it isn't advisable to keep your children after the agreed time to return them, your ex would probably report you to the police and make complaints against you, it would be better to do things the right way and apply through teh courts for residency, as already said above the older children would have thier wishes considered, but you have to be prepaired that actually your daughter may not want to live with you, and that isn't anything against you, but the chances are that at the moment your daughter has a free ride and allowed to do what she wants at her mums, so the thought of living with you where she could expect ground rules and that she would have to change schools ect possibly wouldn't sit too well.
.
That doesn't mean that you shouldn't act in her best interest and try, but do it the right way, it's better to take smaller steps that would mean that you move forward slowly rather than bigger jumps that mean you take steps backwards and harm your case.
.
GTTS
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