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My ex died in Jan this year from multi organ failure starvation ketoacidosis anorexia we had been seperated over 2 years. I only got to see the old family home this week. I just could not go there before.
My 2 sons 34 and 25. Had not spoken to their mum from last year. I am now trying to sell the old home. But I found it in a really bad state. Along with everthing removed. Any advise on what I should do next I am feeling really hurt by my 2 sons.
M10
It's good you're asking for advice it's hard to ask for help. So that's a start.
Your post doesn't give much detail about your relationship with your sons and the back ground of things, more details you give the more people can try to help you.
I'm so sorry that this has happened, it must be very distressing for you and your family. This is the time when you all need each other, so it's very sad that there is bad feeling between you and your sons.
I'm guessing that you're hurt because of the state of the family home and the fact that it has been emptied without your knowledge?
From the sound of it, there was a lot of unresolved anger/ill feeling between your ex and the kids before she passed away, which may go some way to explaining their behaviour since.
Your ex's death from an eating disorder is one of complex physical and psychological issues, so it's not hard to understand the reasons for the breakdown of family relationships within that context.
Perhaps it's time to start trying to heal the wounds between you and your sons, putting the past behind you all and moving forward. It's a time to come together, to talk about how you each feel and what can be done to repair your relationship.
If you can, look at the reasons behind what they did, perhaps it was a way of getting out the anger they felt, Maybe they felt neglected by their mum emotionally, as she became more ill and had less time for them.... angry that she couldn't get through her illness and put them first... I'm only guessing and I'm no expert, but there could be all sorts of psychological/emotional issues at play.
The house and contents are just possessions, don't let that overtake what's really important... there's lots of healing to be done between you all, I hope you don't get bogged down with that, to the detriment of your relationship with your sons.
All the best
Do you think your sons would agree to relationship counselling? Possibly some grief counselling also - might be worth having a word with Relate, and possibly have some sessions on your own also.
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