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Hey people I am wondering if anybody can help me with some advice please.
I’ve been with my current partner for 7 years and we have 2 children together and also 3 from her previous relationship (they all live with us btw) I also have 2 children with my ex partner.
My partner has always had a problem with my ex from day 1 and yes I should have nipped things in the bud from day 1 but I was not man enough to stand up to her thinking things would get better.
Over time I have no contact with my ex partner what so ever and my current partner does not get along with one of the children I have with my ex.
Secretly I have been paying my ex partner money to support the kids as I think this was the right thing to do. Yes I should have told her about this but she is volatile at the best of times however she has now found out that I have been giving my ex money for the kids and has created a holy [censored] show (sorry for swearing) she just doesn’t see why I am doing this as she says that my ex partner has taken her and the kids on so it’s his problem. Not mine.
Now she is saying that unless I sort it out we are over I’m at my wits end and I’ve got no one to turn to for advice please can someone give me some advice
Hi,
If your 2 kids with your ex are mainly living with her and are still actually children, then as you say, you are morally (and legally) obliged to make child maintenance payments to their mother either through the informal arrangement you seem to have set up already, or more formally through the CMS.
Given you are presumably also contributing to your current partner's 3 previous children (as they live with you) it seems hard to believe she would think it okay for you to shirk on putting money towards the upkeep of your older children. Maybe you could say to your partner you might end up paying more if the CMS get involved, so better not to rock the boat. If your current partner's ex is not paying towards the upkeep of his kids, then maybe she can talk to him about this or go to the CMS.
It does seem a bit selfish of her to expect you not to do the right thing by your kids, particularly when you're willing to.
hi,
your doing the right thing by paying child maintenance for your own kids. tell her its their right and by law you have to pay anyway.
I have tried to tell her this and she has made things difficult asking me to block the kids from contact and to stop the payment which I won’t do.
She has now said that she wants me to pay all the bills in our house rather than half as we have always done .
Her ex has never paid anything towards her kids.
She has also demanded that I take the whole of the family on holiday which I don’t have a problem bearing in mind that the eldest lad is 17 goes to college and has a job and doesn’t give anything to his mum for board. All this because she has gone into my bank account on my phone .
I’ve built this house up that we have and every argument we have I’m having to leave and sleep on families couch.
No matter what I do I’m in the wrong it’s really affecting my health and mental state I just don’t understand why she can’t see sense
she sounds like such a controlling person. tell her you can't afford to take them on holiday :p sounds like shes walking all over you, accessing your bank account on your phone. maybe some relationship counselling might help? its quite odd that she doesn't hound her ex for child maintenance money.
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