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Hi dads !!
I'm looking for a bit of advise and just don't know where to go or what to do,I'll try and keep this as short as possible.
I have a soon to be 13 year old son with a ex partner,for the last year she says my son does not want to see me and I have had no contact ,
My son was born August 2003 I am on his birth certificate and have always paid maintenance towards my son,my ex and were only together for two years in total we have never lived together and split when my son was about 1 year old.since our split I have had contact with my son every Saturday'i would pick him up at 10am and take him home again about 7pm every Saturday no problem,I have another child with my currant partner we have been together for the last 9 years,about a year ago I went to pick up my son as normal and was told by his mother that I was not allowed to come to her house to collect him and that he did not want to see me anymore,it's now been over a year and she is still saying he doesn't want to see me,I have always kept up with my maintenance through out this,I'm at my end and don't know what to do
I can't afford to pay solicitors fees to go to court ,I just don't know where to turn for help if he truly doesn't want to see me for what ever reason I just want to be certain that he knows I love him and will always he here when he's ready to talk
Please all advise welcome :boohoo:
Hi there
It's must have been distressing for you to be told this out of the blue, did you have any indication that he was struggling before this happened? You mention having another child, did this situation coincide with the arrival of your younger child?
I don't know if you are aware that although you are named on the birth certificate, because he was registered before December 2003 (when the law changed) and you were never married, you dont have Parental Responsibility for your son. After Dec 03, as long as an unmarried father was named on the birth certificate he had PR.
Your first step would be to attend mediation and talk to the mediator about the issues and what you would like to happen, they would then contact the mother and ask her to attend. If she refuses, ignores the request, or mediation fails the mediator would sign off the form to enable you to apply to the family court for a Child Arrangements Order for contact. There is a fee of £215 to submit the forms, but if you are on a low income or receiving benefits you may be entitled to a full or part exemption from the fee and you would need form EX160a to apply for that.
We have many dads here that like you couldn't afford solicitors and instead chose to self represent, it's doable and many are successful. If you decide to take it on we will do our best to advise and support you.
Sometimes, when there has been a gap in contact a contact centre is used to help re establish the relationship between the estranged parent and child, but it might not be appropriate due to your sons age. The court also have the power to make an order for indirect contact, where you would send cards and letters for a period of time to try and get things re started.
If court is an option for you its best to be aware that at 13 your sons wishes and feelings will be taken account of by the court, but at least he will know that you fought to see him and never stopped loving him. Sometimes the influence of the resident parent is the overriding problem, rather than the true feelings of the child and he could just be trying to please his mother, or have a sense that as "the man" it's his job to protect her.
Here's a link to the mediation services
www.nfm.org.uk
Best of luck
Hi There,
.
I know what you are going through, when you get told your child doesn't want to see you it's such a hard thing to hear, but as Mojo has said the chances are that deep down he does want to see you, but he is struggling to try and please everyone, there is a chance that your ex has managed to push her feelings towards to onto him and being that he lives with her he has taken these on board and has said what he has (if he has said this) to please her.
.
I would as Mojo says contact mediation and see what can be done through them and if that doesn't work then apply to court, there is a strong chance at the age your son is that he would be interviewed by caffcass and they would be able to get an understanding of where him saying he doesn't want to see you has come from.
.
With only paying the court fees and representing yourself court isn't an expensive option, my case cost me somewhere around £250 start to finish and that included travel parking and coffee.
.
GTTS
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