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I have a 10 year old son. He lives with his mother. He spends time with me, roughly 4 nights every 2 weeks - with a court order in place.
Since the lockdown he has been with his mother. Things are not exactly amicable between us, and she was always wanting to minimise contact and it hasn't been a surprise that she has prevented him from coming to ours since.
Prior to the lockdown, he had a mobile where we could talk, and where he would sometimes send me emails with interesting videos and pictures. It was good. I bought him his mobile.
Since the lockdown, his mother sent me an email that I can't have him anymore until the lockdown is over. It's been a month.
Worse, it appears that his mobile phone is off all the time and he lost access to it. She has certainly stopped his access for whatever reason - she has occasionally done this in the past for various reasons and confiscated his mobile. His mother only allowed a couple of 5 phone calls from her phone where she supervised the conversation. It was weird and an uncomfortable situation for all.
I don't know what's up with her and I'm not here to complain about that - just to provide some background.
It appears that today she allowed him access to his phone, and he wrote me a very formal looking email, he was "obviously" helped to write it by his mother. He doesn't write like that. It was somewhat sentimental.
The email asks me to send him his games console.
I have no doubt that the sentiment is true - he loves his console and he probably wants it - it's a console that I bought him for his birthday.
But I'm conflicted on whether to send it. On the one hand I have no doubt that he is bored out of his mind and he would enjoy it.
On the other hand, I don't know how his mother would behave - she may arbitrarily confiscate the console, and knowing her, I can just imagine the conversations, the taunting, the accusations that I'm wasting his childhood with games, and I don't quite like the fact that his mother is playing him on to send this email.
I have no confidence that she will know how to adequately firmly allow him sufficient positive time with the game console - but not too much time that would lead to conflicts.
I just don't see it as a situation that's going to be helpful or positive for him.
I'm inclined to not send it, but I'm in the dark here about his situation and I don't know what to do, and I don't quite know what to tell him without pulling him into his mother's craziness. Thoughts?
hi,
if you send him the games console, you will experience the same as giving him a phone. don't do it. hopefully this lock down will not be for much longer. i hope another 3-6 weeks max. the console will most likely get confiscated and you won't see it again. whatever items, toys, clothes you buy for your child etc, keep them at your place. atleast that way your child has lot of things to look forward to when he comes to stay with you.
i think you should tell your child he should be in school this coming week, but cant for obvious reasons, and he needs to focus on his studies/home schooling.
check this out:
Definitely do not send games console. If you was getting on great with ex partner then it wouldnt be a problem. She has wrote you an email because like you say your son is bored and his mum is climbing the wall. Sending console would make her life easy. What she should be doing is allowing contact with your son as normal. You also probably wouldnt see console again
I agree, don't send it. If he needs a console at her house, she can buy him one.
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