[Solved] More access

Hello Dave,
Your first option - as you have tried talking directly - is mediation. How old are your twins? Are they of school age, and do you live a reasonable travel distance from the school if they are? A standard arrangement term-time is the child (children) being with the 'non-residential' (such a loaded and demeaning term) parent every other weekend and a midweek overnight.
Given that the twins already stay overnight with you every other weekend, the only possible justification your ex could have for objecting to the midweek overnight might be if there is a considerable distance and time from your home to school.

There’s also an argument for the midweek overnight, as you would be able to be more involved with their school or nursery, getting to know their teachers/assistants and keep up with their progress.

thanks mojo. my ex refuses mid-week overnight, so now I'm seeking after school hours mid-week contact with kids every week. e.g. library/playtime. if only cafcass put this in their recommendations lol, would have made things much easier.

Toks,

We are just about to attempt Mediation for the second time so let’s hope that helps.

The twins are 7 and I live within 1 mile of their school and 3 miles from their new home.

I have emailed my ex asking for more contact but she has not replied. What really hurts is the twins ask if they can see me more and stay overnight during the week, but I have to say, let’s see what Mummy says.

I am at a loss about what to do if Mediation fails?

Hi there

If mediation fails, the mediator will sign of the C100 form to enable you to make an application to court for a Child Arrangements Order. You can either do this through a solicitor, or you can self represent. The cost of submitting the form to court is £215...using a solicitor would be quite a bit more expensive.

Without a court order, your ex can do more or less as she likes as far as contact is concerned, it’s a common area where ex’s can retain some control over the other parent, unfortunately.

Asking for a weekly, midweek overnight stay isn’t unreasonable, particularly as the children want to and you live so close to each other and the school.

If you go to court you can also ask for an equal share of school holidays and shared Christmas and birthdays too.

Best of luck

Hi Dave,

Have you managed to get the mediation ball rolling? As Mojo says, if the mediation fails (or the mother doesn't show - which amounts to the same thing) then the Mediator will sign this off and you will be able to proceed with completing a C100 for Child Arrangements.

I went through a similar situation myself a few years ago - the mother in my case was refusing midweek overnights, as well as only allowing dribs and drabs for the school holidays. We went through several sessions of mediation, which went nowhere as she wouldn't budge despite the compromise positions I put forward (her line was our son wasn't ready for more than a couple of days of separation from her, though of course she saw him as being completely fine to not see me for 4 weeks while she swanned away on holidays with him). It went all the way to Court - my son is now with me every other weekend (Friday from school - Monday school drop-off) and every Wednesday straight from school to being dropped off at school the following morning. This - in my understanding - is a fairly standard arrangement. My son also spends half of each holiday with each parent equally, which involves 7-day blocks with each parent during the end-of-term holidays. Apparently, the Judge didn't agree with her that our son would go into meltdown if he didn't see his mother for more than a couple of days, and she was unable to offer any reason whatsoever for objecting to the midweek overnights, and didn't bother to in Court.

Good luck!

toks thanks for info. in my case the ex refused all overnight contact right from the start. i wanted midweek overnight. but ex allowed mid week contact for few hours after school, out of the goodness of her heart. every other week. for me, just to get weekend overnights was an uphill battle. will see if i can get midweek overnights next year (hopefully without going to court).