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Hi All
After finally leaving a toxic relationship I found out 4 days later that my cheating Ex was pregnant. 9 months later of not knowing if the child was mine or not I am now proud to say that I am a new father of a wonderful little boy.
The relationship between myself and my ex has been up and down due to her flippant and immature nature. But I have done my best to be there for my boy as much as possible. I have spent both of my days off (I work full time) every week seeing him. She has been amicable enough to allow me to see him regularly, although each visit has been spent with her as well.
However, she has just moved about 4/5 hours away with her family, making it much harder to see him. We arranged that I would be able to drive up, spend the day with him, spend the night and then get some more time with him before driving home. All seems well. However, due to the move and them being "busy" I can't see my son for another week or so.
So by the time I get to see him I won't have seen him for 2 and a half weeks. That might not seem like anything, but I love him more than life and want to be involved in his life, involved in raising him and looking after him. However she makes it incredibly difficult sometimes when we are together. I just want to see my son and help raise him but I hate not being able to see him when I want. I constantly have to keep my mouth shut in order to keep the peace between me and my ex but I can't help but feel utterly powerless. And I'm constantly afraid she's going to pull back on her promises.
How do other Long Distance Dad's cope with this? And my son is only 7 weeks old so I feel like I'm missing out on so much. I'm worried that he won't remember me. I'm willing to drive there every week if I were allowed.
I think you need a few weeks to see how things settle down before you can make a decision on what's going to happen next. However, if yoou can come to a reasonable compromise, even it's not as much contact as you'd like initially, that's going to be better than going to court, and even mediation at this stage. I would try to stick it out for a short while to see if it settles down.
Hi there
I agree with actd... moving is a big deal, so I would give them a little time to settle in. It's a good sign that contact was agreed and you got to see your son every week, as he is still so young. The fact that they have moved so far away, is going to put some limitations on your time with him, but if your ex was happy for you to see him both days before the move, I don't see why that shouldn't continue in the future.
Some Dads consider moving to be nearer, could that be an option for you? As long as contact is steady, when your son starts to become more independent contact with him should be just the two of you, with full days out and by the time he is 12 - 18 months old you should be looking at overnights.
Working with the mum is always the best way to go, even if it means keeping the peace sometimes. Perhaps it might help both of you if you were to work on a Parenting Plan, you'll find information and a template about the CAFCASS parenting plans in the stickys at the top of the legal eagle section, it would help you both to set a timeline and work out strategies for successful co parenting.
Best of luck
Well she's letting me visit but she's also broken her word on a couple of things we originally agreed, but I'm taking whatever time I can get with my son.
But I have no idea what my actual rights to see him are. At this age should I have to be with her at all times I'm with him?
I might not be very experienced with looking after him because I don't get much of a chance to have a go.
So what are my rights to be able to, I don't know, go for a walk with him on my own? Because I go to visit him, not spend time with her.
I will try to come up with a co-parenting plan with her but she is a very stubborn and ignorant person and she want's everything to be her way. I don't think she has any interest whatsoever with me having a say on how he's raised (even though it's my right).
Hi there
As it stands you don't have many rights...not as far as contact is concerned, he's still so young and if she is breast feeding it wouldn't be unreasonable for contact to continue with her around, or at her home...you could suggest meeting for coffee and a walk perhaps and asking to take him out in his Oran for half an hour wouldn't be unreasonable....but the ball is in her court at the moment.
As he gets older you can start to try and change things, as he grows more independent from her. If she won't work on a parenting plan with you, you might like to consider mediation as a p,ace to get this discussion started....it's early days and my advice is not to push it too much for the next couple of months, keeping it amicable will work in your favour later on....play the long game.
All the best
Luckily he's being bottle fed. And I guess you're right. Maybe I'm expecting too much too soon.
But it just seems so utterly unfair that a father can't be more involved in his child's life just because he's not with the mother. We have parental responsibility, which I am certainly not shying from, but we can't have parental rights. It makes no sense and it is completely injust.
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