[Solved] Lies lies lies

I'm sorry to read this. You are in the same nightmare many of us here have endured. Some of what I'm about to write may be innapropriate for your situation, and I'm sorry for that, it's just that I don't know you enough, so I'll write it all, please just focus on the bits that matter to your particular circumstances and forgive me for the rest if it sounds patronising or innapropriate.

I think the first thing you need to decide is how much you want to go ahead with this. Some men just give up, in which case your child will grow up only listening to her side of the story, others keep on going on, which will put you under tremendous financial and emotional stress, and may possibly be the hardest thing you have ever done.

Which ever way you go, you need to do a really good job of taking care of yourself, so you can be there for your daughter when the time comes (and i promise you it will). In practice, things you can consider are:

• Don't touch alcohol
• Reach out to people, don't suffer alone

-Talk to your family + friends
- Talk to other parents who have been in this position
- Talk to your GP, explain you are going through a though time and ask them to refer you for CBT (theraphy). If you don't believe in therapy, take my word for it, i didn't believe either and it really helped me.
- Going to a church. Doesn't matter if you're a believer or not it's a great place to start building a social circle which would really help you.
- Joining social group that you can join at https://www.meetup.com/ .

• Try to sleep properly ( easier said that done, for a long time I couldn't )
• Try to eat well ( make sure you're not missing out on meals, pay attention to the effect certain foods have on your mood )

If you decide to go ahead, you just need to start jumping through the hoops and handle the emotional and financial stress. Do the drug/alcohol tests as soon as possible. One thing that will really really help you is to get supervised contact, because then you will get reports from the contact centre. It will cost money. Yes it is unfair and biased againt you, but if you want to see your child sooner rather than later do it. If you are able to do that, check back in, I can give you loads of specific advise on how to make the best of the contact centre visits and get stellar reports back.

Remember that it's not your job to prove your innocence, it's her job to prove your guilt. Unfortunately, magistrates and CAFCASS are put in a really difficult position. They see these type of allegations all the time and they know that most times they are false, but they are professionals and have a duty to investigate, in the off chance that the mom may be telling the truth. Be nice to them. They can be your best friends.

Don't go off ranting when you are talking to CAFCASS, understand that they are just following their script and it's their job to ask the questions they are asking, it's nothing personal against you. Be child focused and tell them how good a father you are. Don't berate the mother, just focus on how good a father you are and if the allegations are false, say that the allegations are false and you understand the mother must be going through a lot of changes in her life, and you just want to be a good father.

I know someone who started this process by getting arrested due to mom's allegations and got a shared care 50/50 court order at the end. It's super difficult, but it's possible, and you'll grow and become a stronger person because of this.

Thanks for that, yes incan completely understand both decisions and why people make them but i am in this for the long haul and i am trying my best not to let her get the better of me as a person and a father

I am waiting for her solicitor to make referalls to contact centres i have advised there is space on the 30th dec but she never replies to my emails and it wont be too long before them spaces are gone

I cant believe they get away with what they are doing, if allegations are proven to be false will she face any punishment?

Thanks

You can self refer to the contact centre, it might be worth writing to the solicitor and stating that if their client continues to ignore your requests for the start date at the contact centre and the place is filled you will ask the court to return for urgent new directions.

Unfortunately where allegations are made that are found to be false there's rarely any punishment, she may get a telling off, but that's about it. The family court just want to get things moving forward and an order in place.