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Hi All, been a while since I last posted, things have been ticking along slowly with my divorce and moving along in a reasonable direction. Full shared custody of the kids has been agreed, and I am in a strong position where we get 7 nights each, and I am doing the school stuff with them everyday. Which actually results in me having them for more hours a day than the ex even on the days that she has them (Monday to Friday). We are now into the "finances" section of discussions and to me she is being very unreasonable and refusing to accept any responsibility for the large debts that we are carrying, even though a large portion of them are her student fees from the last 10 years which I took on. I have agreed to take on all of the debts and offered her half the equity on the house which would but me into a position where the total debt I would carry would be about 35% more than the value of the house, she would walk away with enough money to be in a reverse situation and have a positive financial situation at the end (depending on what she spent on a new house).
Anyway, my wife has started spouting a steady stream of lies about the past and "how I made her feel" and 3 imaginary affairs that I apparently had (I have never cheated on her in my life or even gone looking to cheat), yesterday in court she repeatedly broke down in tears and kept blaming me for everything that is wrong in her life. So much so that the session was halted and is now to be re-arranged.....
Would all of her outbursts and lies that she is coming out with have any bearing on how a judge might look at any financial settlement? When we started the process we agreed after a lot of debate the arrangements for the kids before going to mediation and now court, and now that we are finally infront of a judge, this is the first time in the process that she has suddenly come out with all of this. I have been dealing with this on a purely factual basis, I have not exagerated anything or hid anything and the numbers are the numbers, but she is not willing to accept them and even my solicitor cant see where she is trying to take this.
I will happily hold my hand up and say I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I have never done any of the things she is accusing me of, I am now worried that she will take things even further and accuse me of much worse in-line with some of the cases I read on hear and it terrifies me. She is vindictive enough to pretty much say anything to now get what she wants.
I am now worried that her lies and outbursts about the past will have an impact on the judge and his views on any financal awards, which worries me as to even get to my offer to her I am putting myself right on the edge financially, anymore and it will impact my life and ability to look after the kids in a major way. Even though my Solicitor says "dont worry" I cant help myself as anything can still happen.
I really dont know what to think anymore...
Riz
Morning,
.
I know it's not to worry, but I think what she is trying to do the judge will be able tto see, and the fact that you are offering to take the debt and still give her 50% of the equity will go in your favour, obviously you never know what will happen in court but by the sounds of it your offer is strong.
.
GTTS
A judge shouldn't be swayed by tears and tantrums, it is my understanding that financial decisions involving children are based on current and future housing needs and earning capacities. If your solicitor is telling you not to worry and they have been present in the hearings then they are likely to have an idea of the outcome so I really wouldn't worry too much. Good to hear that the childrens arrangements have been agreed. Well done.
Thanks Guys, I just cant help worrying about it all, had a sleepless night last night replaying everything she was coming out with (one of many sleepless nights in the last few months), I've never gone through anything like this in my life before and I really dont know where to turn. All I want is a fair bite of the apple in regards to being able to bring up the kids, she wants it all, but needs me to be there to have the kids every day so that she can go to work and continue her career....
Be kind to yourself, try to keep busy and keep talking, it does help although it might not seem like it does. Many of us have been there and can empathise with what you're going through but these proceedings will conclude and then you can start moving on, time does make things better but it's awful when you are in the thick of it. Sending good wishes your way.....
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