[Solved] It really has got to this

Hi There,

I'm sure you already know this but CSA and contact are 2 different issues and one doesn't influence the other.
I would say before you enter into solicitors then try mediation, mediation will mean sitting with your ex, and a mediator, having an objective person in the room to promote conversation and compromise should help the 2 of you manage to reach an agreement.

If you try mediation and this doesn't work you could then apply to the court for an official contact order, you don't need a solicitor as you can self represent.

But I would urge you to try mediation first, as this will often be a quicker and less stressful option, also a judge would probably order the 2 of you attended mediation even if you decided to skip it and go straight to court.

GTTS

Hiya, GTTS has given you good advice, court should always be avoided where possible. It's worth noting that Mediation is now mandatory before being allowed to apply for court as well. Legal Aid is still available for Mediation but not for court. Have a look at National Family Mediation;

http://www.nfm.org.uk/

Thank you for that information.

I have tried a Marriage counsellor twice and she has not turned up to any of the sessions as she is not interested in doing this, do you think that is kind of the same?

Hi,

not turning up to marriage counselling wouldn't entitle you to make an application to the courts. If you contact NFM you will have to attend a MIAM (Mediation Information Assessment Meeting) on your own and the Mediators will invite your ex to do the same. If she refuses to attend or you are unable to agree) the Mediators will give you the FM1 which you will need to proceed with a C100 application for a Child Arrangement Order.

Court really is a last resort but unavoidable if you are unable to agree any other way.

In terms of legal advice, you can speak to the CAB, Coram Children's Legal Centre have a helpline for free advice (it's excellent), Families Need Fathers also have a helpline and lastly, most solicitors offer a free 30 minute consultation.

If you do end up going to court, you can self rep, lots of Dad's on here do this and you can ask on here for advice whenever you like, everyone is helpful and very friendly. There's also the option of having a McKenzie Friend attend court with you......

Hope this helps 🙂

Hi There,

Mediation is different in the respect that you aren't trying to repair your relationship, but actually planning for separation and how things get worked out.

There is a chance she won't attend, but if that happens then the mediator will be able to give you a form to prove you attended and your ex refused, this will help you if you have to attend court.

GTTS

Thank you for being so helpful. I have just spoken with a mediator and they advised me what you guys have just told me. It is £95 to do this and I told the lady because it is not legally binding even if she does agree to it she is the type of person to break it so then what?

Its my little girls birthday in a few week and I may not see her and it breaks my heart!

I have another question, what are the odds of the courts giving a farther full custody of the child (if it came to this)

Agreements made in Mediation are not legally binding, that's correct although one would hope if you had both made the effort to attend Mediation and reach agreement, that you would both act in the best interests of the child. If you made an agreement and your ex then broke it, your only choice would then be an application to the court.

Courts very rarely give a change of residency, there would have to be serious safeguarding issues before this would be the case.

Have you tried writing to your ex to try to reach an agreement? Sometimes it can be easier to communicate this way as it's harder to get as sidetracked or emotional and keep things child focused than speaking on the phone or in person.

I'm sorry to hear that it's your daughter's birthday amidst all this upset, it won't be easy on any of you.

I would try writing to your ex to appeal to her better nature and attempt an agreement or give Mediation a go. There is no way around attending Mediation if you want to apply to the court for a Child Arrangement Order as the law changed on 22nd April this year.

Thank you so much for this information...I think I best leave it a few days they try write to her.

The thing is, my ex is going on holiday for 2 weeks and I was suppose to have my daughter but because my ex has not got her own way she said she is staying with someone else while shes on holiday and I'll never see her again.

No worries, hope it helps. Try to keep things as calm as you can for your daughter, and all your communications child focused.

Do you have time before your ex goes on holiday to attempt an agreement, or at the very least, reinstate the agreement you had for the duration of her holiday?

No at this moment in time because she is very angry at the fact that I wont start paying child maintenance until the end of Aug and the fact that it is less than she expected which doesnt even have nothing to do with me

Although contact and finances are two separate issues, money can be a huge cause of conflict when deciding contact arrangements, completely unfair on the child and a separate issue to contact, but it does happen.

It's good to get the financial stuff agreed and 'put to bed' so that you can both get on with sorting out contact in the best way possible for your daughter. Some disagreements will be inevitable when parents separate and its very easy for all of you to allow anger and emotion to get in the way. Mediation can be great for resolving all of these issues swiftly and therefore minimise upset for the child.