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Hi,
Today I'd like to ask your advice about whether it is worth getting a court order. I’ve outlined a few scenarios that I need to deal with before it’s too late.
A quick overview: I see my daughter (who is 3 years 4 months) every weekend. I go on either a Saturday or Sunday all day. I arrive at around 10am and stay until bedtime. During the day, I take her out on my own for perhaps an hour on the scooter or for a walk and then bring her back to her mother’s flat and then we all go out for the afternoon- perhaps to a restaurant, museum etc. I always pay for lunch, entrance fees whenever I’m with them.
Last weekend (Oct 14th) we planned to go to Peppa Pig World but my daughter’s mother canceled the arrangement because I wouldn’t pay for her train ticket (it’s 40 pounds per person return to Southampton from London). My daughter’s exempt from paying the train fare. I said that I would pay for our lunch, taxi, entry fee to the amusement park etc. However my daughter’s mother then cancelled the whole weekend so I couldn’t see my daughter. I felt powerless and like I was being punished.
What happened last weekend made me realise just how unfair the current arrangement is – I feel like I am a puppet on a string and that she’s the puppet master. Is getting a court order the best way to protect myself from this kind of behaviour?
I live in South West London and she lives with my daughter in Central London. It’s about 1 hour on the bus/train from where I live. She never brings my daughter to my area e.g to see my sisters, mother. She has only brought my daughter to my mother’s home twice in 3 years however she’s taken her to Japan to see her mother about 4 times in 3 years. Just doesn’t seem fair.
I want my daughter to know my family however her mother just doesn't want to get involved with my family so there’s a stalemate that seems to be related to her not wanting to lose control of the situation. Whenever I do raise the issue the atmosphere goes cold and I just don’t want my daughter to feel the change in mood when I’m there. I asked her recently about visiting my mum’s place and she said that’s fine provided I pay for the taxi! For this type of situation would getting a court order allow more choice for my daughter ie- the chance to spend time with my family, on my terms?
Finally, I’d like to say that I’ve reached the stage where I want to spend more ‘alone time’ with my daughter too without having her mother circling around us like a hawk. A very controlling woman, she never consults me about anything re- my daughter e.g choice of school, clubs, events. Would a court order help to resolve this?
Thank you for any advice/suggestions.
Hi
I think the time you spend with your daughter definitely needs to move in a different direction so that you can build your own relationship independently of the mother, and hopefully let her have a relationship with your family too.
Before applying to court, it is a requirement that you attempt mediation first.
If mediation isn't successful, or the mother refuses to attend, then the mediator will stamp a court form so that you can apply.
Best of luck
Hi,
Do you have parental responsibility for your daughter?
Hopefully mediation is successful for you. Unfortunately for me it wasn't, she wouldn't attend.
A court order will offer a backup for parental rights and secure your time but wouldn't necessarily offer a lot more time.
Unless there are any safeguarding concerns, then in theory you should be allowed time alone with your daughter to take her out for the day without having to subsidise her mother.
If you wish your daughter to have more of a relationship with your family, it would have to be done in 'your time'. For her to attend separately would require a separate application from your mother 'grandparents rights'.
I can't believe she expects you to pay for everything and insists on accompanying you everywhere! How on earth you've managed to put up with trips to restaurants etc and footing the bill is beyond me!
As long as there's no safeguarding issues, your daughter is old enough to spend quality time with you in your home, without he mother, and I would hope that after a fairly short period of time, you would be looking at overnight stays on alternate weekends.
The mother does indeed sound very controlling and this is more common than you would think unfortunately. If you do decide to go ahead with mediation, it's possible she will suspend all contact, but as long as you act quickly if mediation fails, this shouldn't be for too long.
As contact has always taken place in the mothers home, once/if court proceedings are underway you may be ordered to use a contact centre initially.
If you decide to go ahead with mediation/court, you can choose to do it without a solicitor, many dads here have done the same, with much success, and we would do all we can to advise and support you.
All the best
Many thanks for your reply- and the weblink...I'll take a look later on.
Best,
Chris
Really appreciate the advice.
Many thanks
Chris
Hi, many thanks for the reply. Yes, I have parental responsibility- I'm named on the birth certificate.
Regards,
Chris
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