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Hi i need a bit of advice/support. my daughter has cat allergies and when i took my ex wife to court in 2013 one of the conditions was that the cat was to stay out side whilst my daughter had contact and that we had in place air filters and hepa filter vacuums etc. this was done and for a while it was ok, after a few months and when the winter months came we became a little less stringent about the cat staying out. all seemed ok so over the next couple of years my wife and step kids 'acquired' another cat, again in the warmer months we are out and about so all seemed good, when my daughter visits for longer that one night i make sure she has anti histamines and the steriod cream and moisteriser she needs, last year we seemed to rehome yet another cat. my ex wife started kicking off and saying i was cruel, my solicitor was instructed to write and say was adhering to the guidelines set out in court.
I have just had a great 10 days with my kids and when i handed them over to the ex she pointed out my daughter was full of spots, which she was and they were bites from a great day at a wildlife park. she however started shouting and ranting that my daughter was ill and i was evil and insensitive etc. she took her to the doctors who then confirmed allergy eczema and her lungs were crackling and she was in respitory distress. my ex has informed social services and told me that i am no longer allowed to take my daughter to my house only my dads and if i do take her to my house then she will stop over night access. my wife and i have brought a new air filter and have told my daughter this and told her that it is ok for her to come back and that she should tell her mum that she should stop telling my daughter she should not come to my house. i am doing my best to make it comfortable for my daughter to stay and my house but she only stays one night a fortnight and i think its unfair that my wife and her children should for go having pets for a visit of 2 nights a month. is my ex right can she stop over night contact. i am fed up of her controlling me and my life.
thanks in advance for any help
Hi There,
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This is a difficult one, your ex has said that the doctors have confirmed that your daughters ill health is due to the cats, if this is the case and she has some proof of this and you haven't been keeping the cats outside during your daughters visits then to a certain extent your ex is right to not allow her to stay, that said she should have maybe gone about it in a different way.
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I get what your saying about your family having to go without pets and it's difficult as you are in the middle of trying to keep the peace, when it was just one cat, chances are that didn't effect your daughter as much as it was for a short spell of time, but when you have 3 cats that increases the issues.
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I don't know too much about allergies or if it's possible to say that your daughters health issues at this time is down to your cats, but I would say that if she has allergies and these have been confirmed then having 3 cats in the house isn't going to help her, even if they are kept outside.
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GTTS
I have similar allergies to cat dander.
I don't have any experience with courts, but I think your ex is right, sorry. There's a huge difference between 1 outdoor cat and 3 cats that are kind of outdoor cats.
Why would you even get a cat knowing your daughters condition? I can get symptoms from spending a few hours with a friend who owns a cat and it's miserable.
I know I sound harsh, but your daughter is going to think of spending time with you as a pain if she needs medication every time she does.
I agree with Sleepless, your ex is right to stop your daughter going to your house, especially as the court recognised it was a problem.
Respiratory distress is serious and I don't blame her mother for reacting in the way that she has. Your wife and her children weren't forgoing anything, you had a pet which was manageable, it was unfair of you to increase that to three cats and put your daughters needs aside.
If I was your daughter I would feel upset that you were putting a couple of cats above my well being and were prepared to put my health at risk.
I get the impression this is more about you not liking being told what you can and can't do by your ex, and what is best for your child has been overlooked because of this.
Like Sleepless I don't wish to be harsh, but the reality is that your daughter is more important than having cats....and I'm a cat lover!
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