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Hi, I have a four year old daughter who I see 1 afternoon every week and have for an overnight every other weekend. Things were very difficult between my ex and I when we first split, 3 years ago, but have improved over time. Initially she stopped me from having contact for 9 months. I took her to court and was given contact through a contact centre initially and things have progressed from there to where we are today. Our current arrangement has been in place for over a year now but promises of further progress have not materialised.
I have a great relationship with my daughter and would like to be seeing her more but when I broach the subject by e-mail my ex ignores it and carries on as normal. This has gone on for some time now and I don’t feel I can discuss it with her face to face as she shuts down and refuse to talk to me. I am getting more and more frustrated and have reached the point that I need to do something about it. I have ask her to explain her reasons for not letting me have more time with my daughter but she again ignores me.
Is my only option to apply to the courts for a contact order? If so, are they likely to grant me more access, or should I just be grateful for what I have and get back in my box? Personally I don’t see any reason why we should not share contact with our daughter or is that just a ridiculous thought?
Any advice would be much appreciated.
Hi there,
First of all I can relate to your situation as I've been there a few time over the past couple of years. You definitely should get more time than you are getting.
I see my son one weekday evening and for a weekend morning then he stays over once a fortnight also. I have been trying for a while to get more time but his Mum does the same, either ignores it or makes some excuse about her not seeing him enough! I know it will change eventually (like it did a year and a half ago - same thing at the time too). I have even emphasised that the little man wants to spend more time in daddy's house - he gets upset when he has to go. No surprise that when I mentioned this when asking for more time I am somehow using him as a weapon against her! This was after 3 attempts at having a conversation with her requesting more time.
From my experience it's a process and takes time. Be strong and stick to the point, don't let her distract from the topic which is more time with your daughter. I would emphasise that it is in your daughters best interests to see more of her daddy. Unfortunately if she continues to ignore your requests you may well have to go to court. Keep all records or any conversations/texts etc. to show how you have attempted to reason with her.
Last thing I will say is it is so frustrating how Mum's seem to have all the power in these situations and some are all to willing to wield that power.
Hi Sam, thanks for your reply. In so many ways my ex is a lovely woman and a good mother so I do feel bad for others who’s situations are far worse, everything is relative I guess, but I do find my situation very frustrating.
I have sent her research carried out that discribes the positive nature of a child having a full and rewarding relationship with their father. After we split trust between us fell to nil but has improved. I do think this is still the stumbling block and the fact that she has a strong family unit so she doesn’t NEED my help.
There really does need to be a change in the law on this and fathers who are fully committed to their kids should be treated evenly with the mothers. Will be a long time waiting for this I fear.
Again thanks for your reply and I wish you the best of luck with your situation.
Your first step (which will be required by the court before you can proceed with an application) is to attempt mediation - it's always possible that doing so might persuade your ex to cooperate more anyway.
Take a look at this www.nfm.org.uk
Hi there
Its great that your relationship with your ex has improved, but i wouldnt let that prevent you from pursuing extra time with your daughter.
As your little one will be starting school soon, i think,its reasonable to ask for the current weekend contact to be extended to a full weekend, suggesting picking her up on the friday and dropping her back off to school on the monday. Its only natural you would want to develop a good relationship with the school and teachers and it would be good for your daughter to see that youre both actively involved in this most important time in her life.
Hopefully mediation will be enough to get some progress, it might be helpful to suggest that you both work on a Parenting Plan, theres a link to the CAFCASS plan in the stickys at the top of the legal eagle section, with a template.
If she’s a reasonable person, she will want to avoid further court action and working together is what is best for your child.
All the best
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