Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
So just looking for everyones take on this. I dont know how I feel about it but here goes.
Me and my wife have been together 20 years and married 7 years and have 2 kids. We are moving home and the in laws have offered a generous amount of money towards a new house - 20 percent of the house value. However her father was giving it on the condition that we have a contract written up that Incase we break up she is entitled to that money back first. Me and the in laws get on very well and are all close.
I was a bit taken aback as were a family and been together that long and no signs we will break up so I dont understand why this would even be a consideration. I appreciate he wants to protect his daughter. My feelings are that its a slippery slope to go into. do I then protect my pension Incase we break up. do we both individually protect what we have put into the house in case we break up. I said that we are a family and we are in it together but my father in law doesnt seem to think so but at the end of the day I suppose it is his money so he can do what he wants. Part of me doesnt want to accept the money as that just puts a divide down the family in my view
Any advice or opinions other than my father in law appears to not like or trust me anymore...!
my personal view is that what he is suggesting is perfectly fair. What I would clarify is what the conditions are if you partner dies first as this needs to be sorted now. I think getting financial arrangements sorted out early can avoid arguments and legal battles later. Look at it this way - if one of your children went into a relationship and you helped them to buy a house by giving them some money, wouldn't you want to make sure that money was protected if they split up?
Hi actd.
Thanks for replying.
I think if it was our first house we were buying together I could maybe understand it more because we wouldn’t be putting anything of our own in. However The equity we would get from our current house sale would be 20 percent of the value plus the money he is giving us would be about 20 percent too.
But that being said - if and when my daughter is old enough to move out and buy a house id possibly be in the same thought process as my father in law.
Also good point about what happens if someone dies first - I suppose it’s not something people like to think about but maybe a sensible move
Hi,
I think it's a difficult topic that can easily cause upset and I don't think it's anything to do with trust or thinking you may break up but more to protect their finances.
I would be sitting on the other side of the fence where my parents have helped us and would expect a contract in place to protect the money that they have given us, which is money they have worked for to help their child not the partner, in the case of separating/divorcing.
However, I believe that we agreed to give back the money that was given I.e if they gave £5,000 they would expect the first £5,000 to go back to them before my husband and I were to split our equities.
Hope that helps
Hi ploto
One other way you could look at it is as an interest free loan, and perhaps you could draw up a document on that basis.
These days, a lot of relationships are far more complex than those of our parents, so there is a meshing together of assets, and it is wise to consider what happens in the event of a split or death, as it means that it's all sorted and out of the way.
One other point to consider, is what happens if your father in law goes into a care home (or you and/or your wife in the future) - it's worth planning to protect the assets for your children and it might be worth considering getting professional financial advice at this stage.
the money the father gave, you can agree to start paying him back monthly, bit by bit. or just agree to his condition. are you on a help to buy scheme? its a 5% deposit. still exists as far as i know.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.