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Hi
I'm new to the forum and the site but it looks good so far.
I've noticed there are some similar posts but just want to get something off my chest which is beginning to consume me and which from somebody else's perspective might look completely irrational but I'd like some advice and see whether anybody can empathise.
My partner and I have a gorgeous 2 year old girl who is the apple of our eyes. I work 9-5 and luckily have a flexible arrangement with work so that I can spend a few hours with my daughter on a Friday morning while my partner works and equally on Saturday mornings. My partner has a very close knit family whom she will see at least once a week if not more particularly since our daughter was born. I must admit I get very resentful because I'm at work all the time, my daughter ends up spending a lot of time with auntie (recently Wednesday afternoons while my partner catches up on housework etc.) and granddad with my partner on Thursdays. Then come Saturday quite often we end up seeing Auntie and Granddad on Saturdays.
I guess I'm resentful because it feels like I never get that quality 1:1 time with my daughter or for that matter a decent family life. By that I mean me, my partner and my daughter. So the effect is that bringing up our daughter just gets a bit diluted on a Saturday as everybody is involved. Examples being where sister in law insists on pushing my daughter in her push chair when that is something I'm proud to do myself (though she walks more now) or having to go for walks with granddad. It's a bit like being in an episode of the Waltons! I can see the parallels with daughters wanting to spend time with their fathers and fulfil their traditions and routines i.e. my partner and her sister but being a daddy to my daughter and establishing our traditions between us is important as is having a family life with my partner and daughter.
I don't think my in laws are being in any way malicious or have any ulterior motive. I freely admit that I'm insecure and also petrified that one day my daughter won't want to do anything with daddy although I am always assured that Daddy's are the most important the man in their lives and i certainly wouldn't dispute that in the case of my partner and her dad.
I don't know that I've explained myself well and there are loads more feelings I have about it but am I being irrational or ridiculous? Does anybody relate to what I'm saying?
Many thanks
Don't worry too much Nickf1975, your in-laws don't sound too bad. My son's aunt (mother's sister) spent 3 years in prison and his maternal grandfather got a one year sentence for theft, so yours sound tame in comparison!
O
Hi and welcome to the forum
Compared to a lot of our Dad's experiences with in laws, yours do sound fairly lovely in comparison! Having said that, it's important to factor everyone into your daughter's life. Perhaps you could suggest that you have some exclusive Daddy / Daughter time that is just for you and her but also a special day that is just for you, your partner and daughter? At least if you were able to set this time aside, it would set some boundaries.
On the plus side, with so many dedicated family members that your daughter is close to, make the most of it and make sure you and your partner get them to provide some babysitting services and enjoy some quality couples time?
Keep posting anything you would like to chat about, there's always someone around to have a natter with.
Good luck
I can relate to that (yours is the second post today for that) and while it may work out very well, with the way you feel at the moment, I can see it going downhill fast. I would really recommend that you broach the subject with your wife and try to get some time where it's just the 3 of you, and do this on a regular basis. It might even be worth speaking to Relate (they deal with relationships, not just the aftermath of a breakdown)
This feeling is quite common and particularly emphasised if seperated. However, all too often its just seen as men whining or jealousy when on the other foot, if you were home and had that time and mother didnt, you'd still get grief as you're seen as number 2 in the ranking (maybe even 3 behind MIL).
Its not irrational to love your child. I think you should communicate with your partner about this.
I agree, it's never good to bury these feelings and not talk about them...that's how things just get out of proportion! Get the in laws to babysit and take your partner out for some couples time and then try and broach the subject over a nice meal and a bottle of wine.
You will always be special to your daughter trust me, but perhaps you need to be a little more assertive with auntie, if you want to push the pushchair then say so, you can do it in a friendly way and just say it's daddys turn now!
Best of luck with it.
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