[Solved] I MISS MY KIDS SO MUCH

Hi here

As hard as things might seem right now, please don't give up hope, there's still a chance you will be able to see your children, you just have to jump through all of hoops you are asked of you and fight your corner with calm and dignity....patience is your best friend right now.

We have had other members in your situation and it helped them to start a keepsake box for each of their children; filling it with little notes and cards and gifts to be given to them when you get to see them again.

Other members have opened an email account and started writing to their children, again in the hope that they would be able to forward them on one day.

I completely understand why you would wish to tell them what really happened, but I would strongly advise that you resist bad mouthing their mother, they won't thank you for it and they are still too young to be involved in what has gone on between you and her. That's not to say that when they are older that you won't get the opportunity to talk about it in more depth, but that would be for them to ask when they are ready.

All the best

Hi Mojo,

Thanks for the advice, and the suggestions, I will do that.

I don't want to bad mouth their mother as such, but actually just tell them the truth about what happened to me, the day she got me to leave their home.
The truth is totally different to what they have been told, and now believe. I would simply want to set the record straight, but I think because of their age, and because they have to live with that person, it is easier to believe what she says, and blame Dad for everything, cos for whatever reason, Dad is no longer with them, so in their eyes, they are left with their Mum, whilst I am seemingly somewhere else, with a new life.

I appreciate your words of wisdom, and wish you the best too, S74

Been there mate it's almost unbearable to live with as I said before I was stopped from seeing my new born for 10 long months then it was 3 months in a contact centre for 1 hour every 2 weeks, as MOJO has said, DO NOT GIVE UP and don't lose hope, I would echo the same advice drop any bad feeling against the ex and don't let it come out to the kids or court, you have to treat this like a precise military operation, you have to be cool calm and collected at all times as has been said jump through every hoop do the courses, do the tests accept the contact centre visits pander to that complete shower of s**t cafcass do what ever you have to even be nice to the ex if you have to, I too felt hopeless and thought I didn't stand a chance but you do and your ex will get shown up for being a lier in the end, I had to do a 3 month parenting course had to do 4 negative drug tests get letters from my gp to say I wasnt a nut job if you have to take the bull by the horns and self represent I swear you get treated better that way and you wont be financially ruined by a solicitor in the process, do your research it seems like you're at the s7 stage and I have met only one or two dads who have had a decent one mine was a shocker but ywo years on I have my girl every weekend fri-mon and on a wednesday.

take care Slim 🙂

Cheers Slim, I appreciate what you said. I am doing what needs to be done, and I know that I have to go with it, cos I want to see the kids.
You had to wait a long time, and that must have been awful for you. I'm hanging in there, but sometimes it just hits you, and you feel really down, you know how it goes.
I will keep sending the cards, so at least I know I am reaching out to them, and I'm doing all I'm aloud to do.

Thanks again Slim, S74

In the meantime you simply have to get on with your life and keep yourself busy, meet up with friends, keep fit, socialise more, do something you enjoy take up a hobby anything to take your mind off things, I ended up working 7 days a week for 4 months, started buying and selling cars, buggered off abroad dj'ing just to keep busy, it kept me sane for sure and kept me bang on it for court and although I didn't intend too it pi**ed the ex of no end as she thought she was losing that control over me whist trying to destroy my life 🙂

Hi There,
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I can't add much, Slim has first hand experience and the way he handled things was 100% spot on, you will get through this and we can and will support you through with advice and guidence, and the most important part is just general moral support, which at this time will help you more than you know.
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Keep us posted and if you need any advice or just a rant feel free.
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GTTS

Hi Slim,

I'm trying to keep busy, but a lot of the time I just feel so low, I just want to not be awake.
The thing is, I feel so guilty, like I shouldn't be getting on with my life, or enjoying anything, for fear that my kids would just hate me even more.
I dread my weekends when I'm not working, cos I just miss the kids so much, and I was always with them at the weekends.

I just wish they knew how much I miss them, and that they didn't think I was out partying every day, now I'm free of them, cos I'm not.
I don't even know if the kids got the cards I sent them the other week, no one even had the decency to let me know.
I think if I were my kids, I would hate me too, cos everything seems a certain way, especially when their Mother is telling them [censored].

Later, S74

Cheers GTTS, you're right, the moral support means a [censored] of a lot.
S74

I know how you feel man don't feel ashamed getting on with your life as if you don't you will wined up sinking and letting it all get on top of you and then you will be no good to no one especially your kids, them children need a good strong well sorted daddy with his head well and truly screwed on, you need to be confident and bang on it for court.

I missed out on the scans, the birth, found out the [censored] of my baby and the birth through face book, I missed out on rolling over, sitting up, crawling. walking and talking I missed my first fathers day, xmas, and first birthday it was a living nightmare for a year solid.

At first I did consider taking my own life went out in my car floored it to 140mph and was just about to lamp it into a concrete bridge when I though about the poor peeps who would to have of cleaned up my body I decided not to, the next day I told a workmate and he gave me the biggest bollocking of my life and said shape up you [censored] you need to be there for your daughter the next day I found this site.

Cheers for the support Slim, you have certainly been through an awful time, and I am glad you didn't end it all mate.
I'm gonna try and do what you suggest, and I will catch up with you soon bro.

S74

Hey Scott

Not much I can add to what everyone else has said. Please keep posting and we will do what we can to support you. You never know, you might get a decent CAFCASS officer, I know some of our Dads (esp Slim 🙂 ) have had bad or unfair reports in their cases but in my experience, about 60-70% of reports are pretty good and reasonably fair in their recommendations. If you do get a bad one, it's not the end of the world and can be challenged in future hearings.

Take care