[Solved] I don't have any friends

Hi!! Actually I am kinda worried about what's gonna happen with me and my friends too one I come out and tell them that j am gonna be a dad. Part of me wants to tell someone in real life, but o dont know if they are going to see me different or want to hang out with me or see me as cool when I am a dad... I am the first one in my group of friends that is gonna be a dad unless one of them is carrying a big secret to haha.

Dude

You're going to have a child with someone, so without stating the obvious you need to get your priorities sorted. Life is going to change forever now and you have to be able to deal with it as a father because you owe your child that at least!
Good luck

Morning all

I had a bad weekend emotionally so needed to write on this forum to help me.

After cutting ties with my ex girlfriend in order to get over the relationship (not seen her for 2 weeks and not spoke in 10 days), I saw her best friend last week and I asked how my ex was. She stated that she's not doing good as she's got some personal issues going on (nothing related to me). I asked her if she would message her for me and say "hello" and that I will speak to her soon. She said she will and after getting home from work that night at 2am in the morning, I noticed a message from my ex.
We began messaging for a couple of days and I saw her at work where we had a nice chat. She told me some of the things that's been happening, namely she's being stalked which she says the police are investigating and have an arrest to make.
I offered support as a friend and we agreed to message; this left me feeling happy for the first time in ages but I also realised that it was just the feelings coming back which I don't want as she's adamant that we're "just friends".

Over the weekend, she's only sent a couple of messages, very impersonal and she seems to have withdrawn from me. I have gone back to waiting and getting anxious waiting for the messages and if I send one, I will get a short reply in about 6 hours! She even wanted to meet on Sunday, but that never happened!

And, dropping my daughter off to her mother yesterday, away from my child I started an argument with my ex-wife because I felt pissed off! Yes, emotionally I'm still reeling from my marriage breakdown and still have feelings for my ex-wife (split 14 months ago) and it's hard that she's now got a new house with her new man and has moved on.
I really have not had time to heal from my failed marriage and getting into a relationship this year with this ex girlfriend just highlighted how needy and fragile I really was. The fear of the future feels overwhelming as I'm 46 years old, renting a (lovely) bungalow and see my daughter twice a week.
I should be grateful in some respects, but the loneliness and emotions at the last year and a half are quite upsetting. I'm currently looking to buy a house as I have my deposit from the sale of my family home and I am having telephone counselling, so i am trying to do things to pick me up (plus gym, reading and working) but emotionally, I feel like a fragile piece of China!

Thanks for taking the time to read guys

Dude

You're going to have a child with someone, so without stating the obvious you need to get your priorities sorted. Life is going to change forever now and you have to be able to deal with it as a father because you owe your child that at least!
Good luck

Hey yeah dude I know that everythings gonna be different and I am putting my girlfriend and our baby first its just that stuff like this goes through my mind, you know. I know that things are gonna change somewhat with my guy friends I just hope that they still want to hang out once in awhile and stuff, i am just trying to figure out all this stuff like how to best support my gf and how to be the best dad that i can be, i just feel a little clueless sometimes, you know?,

Hi

I understand and having a baby does make your mind go all over the place and ask scary questions, like, like how will I provide, will I be a good Dad etc. If you have a good relationship with your gf, and a supportive family, then you can work things out together. Go to ante-natal classes together and talk to the health visitor who can point you in the right direction for extra support. It's a huge life changing event but also it will be amazing too.
As for your friends, they'll always be there but like you said, you have got your baby and gf to put first and your friends will realise that.

Regards

Hi,

I just joined specifically to reply to your post.
I just wanted to say I too relate to your situation.

I am going through a divorce from a long marriage with a 5 year old. I also enjoy my own company and until now never felt particularly alone or bothered by not having close friends. Until my wife one day came and said she is leaving me.I thought of myself as nice and caring and reliable, so felt very secure until she dropped the bombshell on me. Now I feel lost and wish I had some close friend to talk to.

The trouble is I don't enjoy superficial friendships and I find true friends are so hard to come by. The thought of having to endure lots of social encounters and small talks seems too scary just to have a remote hope of finding one true friend.

It is also ironic that people like me and perhaps also you, tend to approach the more social people for friendship. Which is a little bit of a non starter as I always sense they think of me 'he is nice but too boring'.

Anyway I would be more than happy to talk to you. I think people like us should reach out for each other more. Send me a message if you wish to talk.

Hey dude - if they're not interested in being your friend because your going to become a dad and why bother with them anyway..I'm sure the real friends will be happy for you and be excited for you..or at the very least buy you a pint!

Hey Ami

Thanks for your reply and it was a breath of fresh air to read how exactly alike we are in our situations regarding friends. I don't mind the superficial small talk, but to have a friend that I can call upon for a good chat is what I would prefer. I'm not socially awkward, I am confident and known to a lot of people, but I always feel that I am not accepted in social circles. Of course, this is just my mind playing tricks and because I am comfortable in my own company rather than be around people, I must give off a vibe.
I'm not into the party scene (anymore) and I don't drink, so being in the profession I am in, I'm probably classed as an outcast because there are a lot of "pub crawls" on nights out!! I don't go naturally.
Instead of worrying now, I think what an awesome position to be in where you can get on with your own self and not have to reply on people to fill any voids.

I'm there with you all - I'm happy with my own company (my mother noticed a long time ago that all the activities I involve my self in are mostly fairly solitary, even though they do involve other people) and tend to have one or two good friends rather than a crowd of people.

Hey dude - if they're not interested in being your friend because your going to become a dad and why bother with them anyway..I'm sure the real friends will be happy for you and be excited for you..or at the very least buy you a pint!

Thanks dude... So yeah I broke down and told one of my friends...it felt kinda good and kinda weird... I've been wanting to tell someone I know in real life, and I kinda used it as a dry run for telling my parents and hers... Which I dont think is gonna go real good lol. So yeah I mean it went ok but it did feel weird after I told him, he kinda seemed a little uncomfortable and not himself after I told him.

I guess people who don't have kids might have a hard time relating. Do you have any friends/co-workers with children ? I'm sure their response will be different.

I guess people who don't have kids might have a hard time relating. Do you have any friends/co-workers with children ? I'm sure their response will be different.

Yeah I totally get it I mean heck this is all new to me so yeah I get that it would be hard for them to relate... Sooo that is where the tough part comes in... I am gonna be the first of my friends to be a dad unless one of them is REALLY good at keeping a secret lol... And for co-workers... Not really, i am working retail, and its like probably over 80% female at the store, half of which are college kids and the other half are older half-retired people/housewives looking for something to do since their kids are older, people that are old enough to be my mom or pretty close lol.