[Solved] I don't have any friends

I think it's very easy to lose ourselves in relationships and gradually withdraw from friendship groups over the years. Perhaps you could ask one of the guys you work with to go for a coffee / pub and chat and try to go from there.

Maybe look at taking up a hobby or attending a group of some description and make sure you do the 'after' drinks that most people do?

I can't think of the name of any off the top of my head, but there are friend apps (like dating but just for meeting new friends with shared interests) that are becoming quite popular these days. My friend used one when she moved to a new town and has met some really nice people that way.

Trying to build relationships like that would probably help a lot more than jumping into unsuitable relationships when you're obviously still quite fragile.

Best of luck

Hi,

I can totally relate to what you are saying and as i was reading you'e post i thought.."did i write this"...i similarly keep myself to myself, i took up going to the gym incredibly seriously and that kept me occupied and besides that i am/was always glued to my laptop, i had the same laptop for 6 years and she was my baby and then i suddenly spilt a pint of water on it 2 weeks ago and boom i had to buy a new one yesterday and i have felt lost for the last 2 weeks, luckily my work have a staff computer i use(i work in a 5 red star resort). I started a new job down in Devon 7 weeks ago and it is run by eastern Europeans, mainly Romanian and the Spanish and at first i was bricking myself thinking i was going to be alienated but they are the nicest, most welcoming group of people i have ever worked for or with and i could not be happier, they are always willing to talk, listen and do you favours and for the first time in many years i feel like i have friends and it feels nice, but i still stay withdrawn and do my own thing. I created a prison for myself, i alienated my daughters family to the point where i have not seen her for nearly 2 years and there is an indefinite ban on me contacting them, i feel i will never see my daughter again, this goes through my head all day every day and it was all my fault....these new friends do make this prison easier for me and i have hope there is still light at the end of this nightmare...

Chin up, you certainly not and never will be alone

Paul

I used to be a taxi driver and was an outgoing, friendly and confident person who regularly dealt with people from all walks of society. Like many others in this situation I have difficulty dealing with normal life due to the anxiety and depression. I have also isolated myself, I have one friend who has been invaluable throughout this whole ordeal. Without him I would never get to see my children. I hate being a burden but I know I've helped him in the past as well.
They say you can choose your friends but not your family.
I don't want to be this way. I don't want to be having to deal with this situation. I'm having to defend myself against the most terrible lies and barely get to see my children. I can't even remember what it's like to have a social life it seems so long ago.
As Ti35to says, you're not alone. Even if we're only here to give advice and support through this site, just realising that there are many other people in the same situation and we're all here to help each other is precious.
It's a shame there's not a "thank everyone" button.

I can relate to this also, I have few friends - plenty of people I like and get on with, but not many that I can go out with for an evening out simply because I'm fairly shy until I know someone. I've done hobbies before (in fact need to find some new ones) but even those are fairly solitary for a lot of the time.

The friendship app sounds a good idea, or go along to your local library (yes, they do still exist) and see what local groups there are.

Hi Paul

Many thanks for your reply and it was interesting to read how similar we are. I also throw myself into the gym as it feels like a temporary escape and the fact that I'm around people feels normal (although I do train alone and don't speak to anyone except to say a hello).
I agree in that I feel trapped in a prison inside my own head; it is weird as I can walk in a room full of strangers and feel totally confident. I can public speak without any difficulty, but finding one friend I can rely on is so difficult. I am popular guy, not bad looking with a good physique for 45, so maybe it's just the vibe I'm giving off or I really do like my own company.
I would be contented and happy on my own normally, but because I am reeling from splitting with my girlfriend, I think it can highlight how alone you can feel.

Good luck in your new job, your colleagues sound great.

Any relationship split will make you feel lonely, even if it's not a good relationship - there's always uncertainty and that can tempt you back into a bad relationship because it's easier to face, but once you get past that, it will get better. I

Hi actd

Thank you for your reply.
I agree in that you do feel lonely after a split from someone. I have always done things on my own and have never really thought about it, but being in a relationship that's ended has highlighted my loneliness. When I was in this most recent relationship, I've had to make up fictitious friends so I don't come across as a loner!
At the moment I am vulnerable and being played head games by my recent ex which is making me so miserable. Ironically, it's my ex wife that I have turned to for invaluable advice and she's been there for support.

Been there and done that - it will get better. It's quite good if you can get on well with your ex, it can make you life much easier,

Morning all

Just felt that i needed to come on to the forum this morning because I am struggling a bit and Dad.info does help me.
Things with my ex-girlfriend are confusing and emotional.
She's adamant that we're not in a relationship, yet she's keeping me trapped. I hear from her once a day and any phone calls are difficult, because it's me that has to instigate the conversation otherwise it's silent. She took me to Pizza Hut yesterday for my birthday and she just couldn't talk or look at me and her constant texting was just driving me nuts (I didn't say anything).
We continued with a planned trip to Venice last week as friends, but we spent the time as if we were in a relationship again, hugging, kissing hand holding and yes ...[censored]! With the way I am feeling with the anxiety and depression from this relationship, I should have been stronger, but I was living in hope I guess.

She says that she wants to get her own jealousy sorted out and whilst doing that, she doesn't want us to be in a relationship but see how we are in a couple of months. But, in the meantime, she's cold and distant and I hardly hear from her.
I did end our relationship 4 times in the 7 months we were together which did upset her, but I did it each time because she would say that she doesn't know how she feels about us and was so cold and distant. To me, you're either in or you're out!

I'm going to a wedding today as her plus one which I agreed to when we were together and I really don't want to go as I won't know anyone and she will just ignore me the whole day.

I'm planning on going cold turkey after the wedding and just saying no contact at all and just be work colleagues, because at my age now, to be this controlled by someone who doesn't want me is making me ill

Regards guys

Keep talking on here, and we'll try to support.

My personal view is that you need to make a clean break, and I'd be tempted to do that before the wedding, rather than after - though having a miserable time at the wedding might be the final straw. Even if she does decide she wants a relationship with you, can you really see it lasting long time? Of course, I am speaking as an outsider, so it's much easier for me to say that, than for you to go through it, and the final decision has to be with what feels right to you.

I would also try to build a life for yourself between the times you do see her, if it does continue - you need to be your own person at the moment.

Hi actd

Thanks for your reply.
I did not go to the wedding and after a phone call, I told her that I want no contact and we can't be friends. She agreed with it and arranged to collect the remainder of her stuff tomorrow.
In the meantime, I spoke to a counsellor on the phone to talk through my decision because I was feeling pretty lousy.
Since I spoke to the counsellor, my ex has been messaging me all day from the wedding, telling me it's been nice and that she was gutted I didn't go.
She's also made out (not for the first time) that it's her that's made this decision and she wants us to be friends!!?? She is so good at twisting things; so I've gone from a positive feeling after our conversation, to now feeling [censored] again because she's contacted me. I did reiterate on the last message that we won't work out but I am willing to try friendship once I'm over this. I know I should have ignored her, but I'm weak at the moment.

I have stayed in all day and just lounged about and to be honest I feel quite isolated and lonely right now.
I could have gone to the wedding, but I was just so anxious this morning and didn't want to go with someone who when we were invited, we were in a loving relationship.

Headspace