[Solved] I AM DREADING XMAS WITHOUT KIDS

hey B E's Dad,

Thanks for the comments, yeah, I certainly do seem to have got a pretty raw deal. Even the guys on the DVPP are shocked, and really sympathetic cos my situation with my kids seems so much harsher than theirs. But, things could be worse, I just have to hold on to that idea. Slim is a cool guy, and he and others on this site(you included), are valued by me for sure. We are all brothers mate, and we all relate to one another, and that means a lot, it really does. It helps me, being able to vent stuff on here, and then get feedback from other Dads, and I realise I am not alone. I can't give in bro, I've got to see them again, I love them so very much, and I miss them terribly.

Glad things got sorted for you, S74

Hi Scott74

I've been following your thread and I must say, you've been having it tough, I really do feel for you.
If you follow my thread, you'll get my story. My separation was amicable (although I didn't want to separate) and I'm still grieving so much. I see my daughter regularly, so I don't have the unfortunate circumstance that you have but its still hard.
I agree with you and after reading so many other Dads stories, the family legal system in this country is shockingly biased and decisions on Dads are usually already made.
I cannot for the life of me understand how some women can deny access to fathers as a way of punishing them for the relationship problems.
I am lucky so far in that I have not gone down that road, but hey there are no guarantees in life and life certainly isn't fair.
My friend, you seem a nice genuine guy, don't ever lose faith in the person you are.You will get to see your kids, it may be a long road but you'll get there.
Make sure you be kind to yourself and take things slowly; distraction is a good tool and will take your mind off things.
I am struggling daily, but I am doing the same thing I suggested, just taking things slowly and surely.

Take care

Headspace

Hi Headspace,

Thanks for the support, and the comments. Yeah, our situations may be a bit different, but you're a guy that's hurting, cos the life you knew has gone, and things will never be the same again for you. You no longer live with your daughter mate, and for that part, your ex, and bitches or not, not a day will go by when you don't think of that person too. Breaking up is sad, and after the event we keep on thinking those two words, What If. Its a loss bro, they are not dead, but they are gone. They are still there, but theyre not. Noone sets out in a loving relationship, imagining it will oneday end, and you will become an "ex", especially when you create something as wonderful as children together. Theres a great track by Aaron Lewis(Staind Frontman), called "What Hurts The Most". The song says it all mate, and the song tells us it is alright to feel like that, youre supposed to.

I am glad you and your daughter are good, and that(so far), things are decent between you and your ex. My daughter was 6 in August, and at the time, I was told by the Solcitor of my ex, not to write in her card, that I wished more than anything, that I could give her a cuddle, as it might upset my daughter, as she had no idea, if, and when she might see me at all. That is friggin heartbreaking bro, and then I go home and cos I'm feeling sentimental, I go on YouTube and play one of Abbas lesser known tracks,
"Slipping Through My Fingers", and I just listen to those lyrics, the pictures in the video I think a fan has put together, of when the two parents were once happy, with their lovely child, and how they are losing her, as she is growing up. Put this together with the fact that I am not seeing my daughter grow up for best parft of a year, all said and done, and when I saw a picture of her recently, in her school work, I broke down and cried because I could barely believe the change in these months. She now looks so like her Mother, the woman I hate, yet my lovely daughter is the sweetest, kindest, most fantastic little girl I have ever had the pleasure to meet, and her smile
would brighten the darkest of my days, anytime. I will check out your previous posts, and I appreciate your view, I really do. I have come to realise one thing recently, and that is that bad things happen to nice people. You, me, and all the guys on this site are nice people, and there are no egos here, just men doing something they actually do [censored] well, and that is look out for their mates, and help each other. So often in this bullshit society, not enough good stuff is said about the average guy, apart from all the stereotypes, and we are all learning by being on here, that we can actually give a toss about someone elses problems, and they give a toss about ours, and I respect that very much.

I say one last thing, and this was a bit like a turning point for me recently, as I constantly think about everything, a trillion times a day. Thinking of how my ex has treated me, and how my son has put the boot in, and how the three of them have made me out to be a monster etc..I remembered a book that I read at School, and that(at the time), I hated, as I thought it was shocking and just horrific. Well, that book was "Lord Of The Flies", and it got me thinking, and I had to go on YouTube and watch the Original(1963) Film. I had to watch it because I knew that it would make things make sense to me, and it would help me to understand what had happened, what was taking place, and I would see myself, my ex, and my two kids, almost explained, by watching this incredibly real film. For days do you know, I would say to my closest friends, I understand now, and I know why they said what they said, and it is true. By the way, my ex was Jack, and my children were his followers(the Hunters), and in a way, I was Ralph, but also Piggy, and certainly Simon. I now believe, that this book is one of the greatest books ever written, and up there with "Of Mice And Men" and books of that ilk. There is a lesson to be learnt, and the children behave like adults and children at the same time, with devastating effect, and something good to come out of all this cray with me and the kids, is that I now, at 42 years of age, appreciate that book, that I dismissed as horrid as a child.

Ok mate, chin up, S74

Hey guys

I can see that the school in that case has been exceedingly helpful but as a general rule of thumb, keep the school out of it. They would generally refuse to become involved and you won't ingratiate yourself with CAFCASS or the court if you take that route with proceedings in place.

Best wishes

Hi Yoda,

I would not now want the School to get involved, more importantly, because that would have an effect on relations between my ex and the staff, as well as the Children, and I want them to feel happy at School, and that school is not involved. I could imagine the kids even being pulled out of that school, if my ex felt they were helping my cause. A Third Party should be letting the children read their cards without pressure or influence from their Mother, or her followers, as that is in the best interests of the children, period. I am not writing them for the sake of it, I am trying to speak to my children, that is my only contact.

The best thing you ever said Master, was "Do or Do Not, There Is No Try"

Best Wishes, S74

Do you seriously think I would be on this site if I was sticking the knife in to other fellow Dads on here? That's just complete and utter rubbish, as if I would!

All the best

Slim 🙂

Hello Slim,

I don't follow, if you are talking to me. I haven't said anything about anyone sticking the knife into other Dads on here, and as I have said many times, I think the support from guys like yourself is brilliant. All I said to you was that I could not see myself sending birthday cards etc to my ex, but I was glad it worked for you.

I won't post again, I don't need the grief, cheers S74

... slims response is confusing...I've had a quick read back through the threads and I think he must have got hold of the wrong end of the stick. Please don't leave because of a few misplaced words, you've had some great support from other dads on this thread and I'm sure there must be some kind of mistake.

We all have our own ways of dealing with things and we must respect each other's right to do so. We share our experiences in the hope that we can help and support one another, but we can't expect what works for some, to work for all.

Please do continue to post Scott74.

I won't post again, I don't need the grief, cheers S74

Hi Scott74

Maybe there was a misunderstanding. I've only known Slim to be "ever helpful" - and - I cannot see where you have said anything offensive in this thread.

But do post, because each one of us dads* has something useful to offer another person who may be reading the forum. Divorce/break ups and child arrangements are always unique, and each person comes with their own story and set of circumstances. You just don't know how many other people you could help by sharing your experiences.

Even if it is simply to "vent/rant" - you quickly realise how many others go through a very similar thing, and that can be a useful experience in itself.

hope helps
*(dads and mums and partners of dads, grandmothers, grandfathers and step parents. I did not mean to discriminate!)

OH [censored]! I have totally misread things I do apologise!!! I never mean't anything to you scott at all it was I've mis read another dads post 2 mins I'll try and find it

My initial reply was to B es dad as i misread this line in his post!

" I've read some of Mr Slims back post and it sounds like they really stuck the knife in and twisted there too, if you've not read these you really should."

I totally got the wrong end of the stick, sincere apologies!!

Feel a right [censored] now!!!

I've PM'd you scott mate apologising, I feel such a [censored] man.