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[Solved] How to deal with money grabbers?

 
(@whatdowedo)
Active Member Registered

I broke up with my ex and everything was fine with visitation ando information passed between us until she met a guy 6 weeks later. After this she became dismissive of any of my input in to where my son is to be for nursery, information about doctors appointments and general wellbeing.

A couple of months later she agreed to go to mediation with me to resolve the issues. I set this up at my expense and she didn't turn up. After she received the letter she became increasingly erratic. Violent in some cases and then started creating a backlog of lies to social services. Eventually I took her to court. As soon as the court date came about and the interview between Cafcass and her took place she removed my access to my son entirely over Christmas and instantly to the CMS.

I've had my first court hearing and I am literally in shock about how I'm viewed. Her lies went from my home being untidy, to my mental health, to being a drug addict. Most of which have now been cleared and I'm waiting on my hair to grow for a drugs test.

I was given 8 hours access over a 14 day period for my son even though I'd had him consistently for 2-3 days a week overnight. We wanted to discuss overnight stay in court but they weren't able to even give us a date prior to when the Cafcass report was going to be written (12 weeks). I now feel I'm just at the mercy of my ex and her demands which are just fed from money and not our sons wellbeing.

Has anyone been in this situation? How do you stop yourself from just crumbling to pieces? This is starting to effect my work given that I have to respond to Solicitors etc. I feel lost in this system and vilified by the entire thing. Like I'm the bad guy. My solicitor doesn't make sense and I don't get an email response from Cafcass.

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Topic starter Posted : 19/01/2017 9:58 pm
(@got-the-tshirt)
Famed Member Registered

Hi There,
.
A lot of people go through the same thing, It's not something I have experienced, although my ex was difficult, she didn't make any false claims luckily.
.
The system is in place to protect the child and although you have done nothing wrong the judge has to take action when claims are made, if they ignored them and the claims were true they wouldn't have done their job properly.
.
I know that doesn't help you and you are on the rough side of this, but you just have to jump through the hoops to prove that she has lied.
.
Be squeeky clean and play everything by the book, go over the top in showing your innocence and offer up anything you feel would help,
.
GTTS

ReplyQuote
Posted : 19/01/2017 11:08 pm
(@whatdowedo)
Active Member Registered

I am trying my hardest currently but when you plan for a set amount of time with your child and have set amount of money for court and then they are allowed to just withdraw access and force further payments to financially restrain you from progressing it seems a little bias.

I won't ever be able to reclaim this time back with my son nor will I be able to reclaim the money from fighting nonsense in court. Totally at a loss anyway I look at it.

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 20/01/2017 12:38 am
(@got-the-tshirt)
Famed Member Registered

Hi again,
.
The thing to remember is that although you are losing out at the moment, if you do everything by the book, you will come out the side not only the better person, but hopefully with a solid contact order.
.
It is really tough and stressful, but many of us have been through the courts, and although as I said I didn;t have false claims thrown at me, I felt like I was fighting a losing battle as many of our members have, but many of us have come througha out the other side in a good position.
.
GTTS

ReplyQuote
Posted : 20/01/2017 12:52 am
 Mojo
(@Mojo)
Illustrious Member Registered

Hi there

It can often seem that the authorities are taking sides, courts will always act with caution where there have been serious allegations made, especially if your case is being heard in magistrates court. It's usual for the court to want to wait until the Section 7 report is completed, but once that is done your next hearing should be able to move your case forward.

What contact arrangements have been made, are you having supervised contact until the next hearing? Do you have a date for the next hearing? Have you been asked to prepare a statement?

If there are things you don't understand, it's important that you ask your solicitor to explain what is happening, they are there to take instruction from you and to advise you...that's what they're getting paid for!

If there's anything we can help with, please don't hesitate to ask.

All the best

ReplyQuote
Posted : 20/01/2017 4:00 pm
(@whatdowedo)
Active Member Registered

Hey

We are in the family court as she only stopped access entirely last month once we'd got our court date.

I have 8 hours unsupervised every 14 days which is now being argued against as the arrangements were made under false pretences when we agreed something prior to entering and then she changed it 4 hours after the order was given. None of this was under recommendation by Cafcass or the court at the time or previously. I was just under the impression that the report would start to be written and they'd simply laugh at the allegations.

We have a date in just under 12 weeks time and I've not been asked to provide anything. I was just informed by my solicitor that temporary contact arrangements were never going to be what I wanted but things may change during the time the report is written.

It's just majorly odd to me that someone can put forward an allegation without evidence and that's seemingly fine to put such a huge gap between father and son. It's not as if I've not been seeing him 3 days week up until last month. I even had him an entire week a few months prior to that also.

To me, it's all just so slow and the effects that it can have on children not seeing their parents are well documented in studies. It isn't even though these are rare cases. 1 in 10 go through this process under 2014 figures so why are we so archaic in our approach to parents and not just mother's?

Thanks

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 22/01/2017 2:28 pm
 Mojo
(@Mojo)
Illustrious Member Registered

If you have an interim order for 8 hours a fortnight and that has been stopped by the mother straight after the hearing, your solicitor should be pushing hard for immediate reinstatement of the contact, with the threat of enforcement if it doesn't happen.

You solicitor can make an urgent application for enforcement under the existing case by using form C2 but it might be a good idea for you to write directly to the judge that made the order first, to tell them what has happened and ask if it can be returned to court for urgent new directions, it's worth a try.

The trouble with solicitors is that they often don't prioritise a case, as you are only one of many clients, whereas if you were more hands on with your own case, it's much more likely that you would be applying pressure and keeping on track with it.

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Posted : 22/01/2017 6:42 pm
(@bmwm-power)
Estimable Member Registered

been there, done it got the snake bite marks mate

all i can say is remain calm and it will get better
i had a load of lies to deal with but thats the way system is ,they dont know you so they have to rule out all possibilities. your still lucky that you got 8 hours !
i had to settle for 1 hour a week at a supervised contact centre 12 miles away and pay £40 an hour for the privilege of seeing my son only to disprove the allegation the scrounger out forward of me not being a capable father.

This was ordered at first hearing whilst the next hearing was 15 weeks away to allow for section 7 report to be done and a police incident log plus contact reports to come through. she deliberately delayed setting up the supervised contact for 6 weeks and i had the forms filled in to relist case but i had a call from contact centre to say that i would see my son for the first time in 18 weeks.

just have to bite your tongue and jump through the hoops. Its a messed up system that takes everything the mother says as gospel truth and what you say as a lie or opinion based on no evidence.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 25/01/2017 9:34 pm
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