[Solved] How do people cope with the depression?

I've been suffering from p.t.s.d for years from my time in the British army, but when I met the mother of my child ever worrie every bad thought went out the window.

My life was just amazing, she was beautiful and smart, beautiful body the most amazing eyes I've ever looked into. I was in love. Every thought was about my girlfriend.

Now I'm not trying to be big headed but I've been with some beautiful girls before, not like this one, SHE'S THE ONE) I thought) until it all came crashing down, drinking beer, missing college, beautiful baby three weeks old, social services, supervised contact and whammy, no contact at all,

I was slipping deep into depression again, no motivating thoughts,binge drinking, anger, not seen my daughter for months,

I'm trying to drag myself to a point where I can function properly, to a stage I can finally be a man again instead of a blubbering idiot,

My daughter deserves a good daddy, someone who she can rely on someone who has her back, a father who is in the know, and when you put all your horrible feelings aside and concentrate on your children nothing else will come in your way, nothing possible can ever come in your way for our right to be a father, since I've pulled my finger out of my bottom and put all my focus on my daughter, I'm alive again, I've got goals and things to look forward to,

My advice is this, COMMITMENT is the key, people fail all day every day, but if you have commitment and a clear head, anything is possible, keep your guard up and keep plodding on, the chaps on here are priceless, brilliant advice, I can't imagine how much pain I would be in if it wasn't for this site, I love you all ❤️

I'm not a doctor neither a psychiatrist, I'm only writing from the point of view of someone who was feeling pretty low just recently. In theory dealing with depression is "easy", all you have to do is:

- Eat properly
- Sleep well
- Socialize
- Keep your vices in check, don't touch alcohol.
- Exercise in moderation
- Find meaning

In practice that's all easier said than done, i.e., some nights I was sleeping 3 hours and couldn't fall asleep again with the anxiety. Breathing and meditation helps with this.

A simple exercise you can do when you feel depressed is to imagine yourself as an observer rather than an actor of your situation. Rather than being you talking to the social worker, imagine you are observing the social worker talking to a man. How does that change how you perceive what's happening ? In my case it made me realise that my situation was stressful and what I was feeling was a normal reaction to that, it made me feel kinder to myself and make more of an effort to care for myself.

I find it helpful to help others with their problems, it distracts away from my own.

The other thing that helps me even now is the realisation that certain things are not under my control and I'm better off accepting rather than fighting them.

We would like to be happy all the time, but that's unrealistic, sometimes things suck, it's ok, it's part of being alive. Nothing lasts forever, after the bad comes the good.

Work on yourself, listen to the people who make you feel good and give a discount to those who don't, they are fighting their own battles just like you are.

Personally I wouldn't touch antidepressants, I'd rather try and work on the underlying causes, but that's a very personal view, and I'm sure there are situations where they are appropriate, just not for me.

Thank you for those replies Daddys Missing Baby and Super Proud Dad.

It seems to me to be incredibly unjust that somebody spends time in the forces especially somewhere ghastly like Afghanistan and you come back and hav eto wade through all this [censored]. It really is unfair and you have my sympathy.

I dare not touch a drink. I feel that if I started I wouldn't stop. Haven't touched a drop since this started.

I had to get some anti-depressants. For a couple of weeks the only logical response to this situation has seemed to be to top myself. There's not much chance of me doing it: not enough guts. But I thought if I don't stop feeling this way one day I might ... just might. Don't know if I'm going to take 'em but at least they are there.

There's some really interesting stuff in that post. I'm going to try the 'watching yourself' idea.

For a while my wife and I got talking and flirted with the idea of getting back together but the social worker could make it impossible and now she sounds cold and hard as nails. Worse than before - as if the flirtation confirmed that her first decision was right. Oh well - one foot in front of the other.

The best advice that was given to me from someone who I did not even know was this : in a few years you will laugh at your ex and nothing she said will be relivent to anything, and he went on to give examples, ie, remember when you was a small child and fell off your bike and cried so much? Do you remember when you got a bag of marbles for Christmas but you was expecting a chopper bike?? You probably cried out loud and was in a mood for a while, time heals all wounds, I know it's difficult and I know it cuts like a knife but tomorrow is another day and nothing is certain about tomorrow, we are alive and our children need a daddy, keep smiling and keep on keeping on, giving up the bad habits, and putting our children first is all our babies need, be proud be smart and be happy

That last thing Staggered wrote ("one foot in front of the other") also strikes a bell.

I used to constantly think about the long term, until my separation and especially the time I was kept away from my son, it changed me, I think a lot more in terms of the here and now, the next immediate thing I'm going to do, instead of the grand plan for the next few years.

I also stop worrying and getting stressed about a lot of things that simply don't matter anymore, i.e., if someone cuts me off in traffic, it used to annoy me, now I just back off and smile, and that makes life easier 🙂

keep smiling and keep on keeping on, giving up the bad habits, and putting our children first is all our babies need, be proud be smart and be happy

Totally agree with this. Staggered'a children are not babies anymore like ours, but they need you all the same, even if they don't realise it.