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My girlfriend has left and taken our two little ones (3yr son and 18 month old daughter). We have been together for nearly 6 years.
In the last 3 years we have renovated a house for a family home, we have both been through divorces, had two kids. I was diagnosed with cancer and had a major operation ( then told theyd got it wrong) So life has put us under a lot of pressure including financial.
We have lost "us" and have struggled to find that closeness between us, resulting in not being able to communicate and our relationship has broken down. Currently her son from previous and myself arent getting on well. Hes 12 and has some issues His dad fails to pay maintenance on time, if at all which leads to more pressure.
I am hoping in time we can resolve things but she is still massively influenced by her parents (shes 41). She has gone there and says were over.
She is telling me I am only allowed to see my little ones one night a week. What if anything can I do???
Cheers, DadofBE
Hi there
I'm sorry to hear things are so hard for you at the moment, have you discussed some couples counselling? Relate can offer this, as well as help with separation too. Here's a link to their website
www.relate.org.uk
More immediately, you can attempt mediation to try and get some agreement and a better schedule of contact. This would be your first step anyway, as it's a requirement before a court application for contact can be made. Here's a link
www.nfm.org.uk
Both your children are still quite young so I think you do need to take that into account... take what she has offered and then work at getting more time... you don't say how long ago she left, but if it's only just happened, give it some time and things may improve.
All the best
Hi.
Thank you for the reply, its good to know someone is listening. I want to reconcile our relationship, but i understand she may not want to. I feel that she is giving me no choice but to seek legal help, something which will not help my chances of getting back together.
I know things are raw, but I just feel its down to poor communication between us and with help things can improve. Although trying to understand a womens mind is impossible.
I have asked her to attend counselling/mediation but all efforts are being ignored, she just keeps asking for maintenance.
Both children are young, but they both dote on their dad. She has a son from previous who is 12 and never had a relationship with his father in the early years, and I feel that she gets upset at the amount of love I show my children and her son never got that, as a result I think he struggles, so she struggles and she kept telling me I am over the top with the affection I show my children.
I don't know how to get her to mediate or attend counselling, If i keep asking I feel it will put pressure on her and turn her totally against it. Also If I go down the legal route it will push her further away.
as suggested i would ask her if she would try mediation and also start seeing the children even if only 1 night a week...yes i know its hard but trust me its easier than not seeing them
if she refuses the mediation then after a few weeks ask if she will allow more contact. Then ask if she is willing to make a parenting plan
Court is the absolute last step when everything else has been exhausted
Hi There,
.
I agree that if you want to try and get things back on track going through counselling would be the first thing I would suggest, to give you both a safe place to talk things through, it may be worth suggesting that it be a way of working out how you both move forward rather than focusing on getting back together, if you can talk things through with the help of a 3rd party to keep things calm and focused you may find that you can work things out, but worst case you can try and put a plan in place to stay child focused and friendly towards each other.
.
As already said at the moment make the most of the time you can get.
.
GTTS
I have chatted to a counsellor and I feel I have a clearer head. I'm not rushing to get back together, as it wouldn't do any good.
However she has refused counselling mediation etc and will not budge on access as she feels it's unfair for the kids to be split between two homes.
During the last few video calls to my kids, it's clear to see the effect it's already having on the eldest. Whos 3.
I feel like she's forcing me to go down an unwanted legal route.
If you haven't already, it might be more effective to leave it to the mediator to invite her more formally to mediation, coming from them she may realise that this situation isn't just going away.
I inderstand that escalation isn't something you want, and it can put additional strain on an already strained relationship between separated parents... Mediation might just be enough to get the ball rolling and if you can get some dialogue and some forward movement then you will have something to work with.
It might be useful for you to try and introduce the CAFCASS Parenting Plan, ideally working on it together, but if that's not possible, it could be something that you propose at mediation. There's a link to further information and a template of the plan in the stickys at the top of the legal eagle section.
Best of luck
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