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Long story, I have an ex she’s 20 weeks pregnant. Has two other kids, we split up as she wanted me to do a background check after finding out I have DV from 14 yrs ago. I refused so she left, said no contact as I’m unstable.
I have mental health, past suicidal tendencies, have been to prison for assault, charged for DV and stuff. Made a huge mistake telling her over text about my childhood, being sexually abused by my nan, having an alcoholic step father that my mum used to let take me out in car and to pubs at 13. Told her I was adopted, never knew my real father. Told her I’m always depressed.
I already have 3 kids that I see one night a week but this one I want shared holiday, alternative Christmases and every other weekend. I won’t have a solicitor either.
She’s saying she’s going for no contact order as I’m dangerous, saying cause she’s got a child on the autistic spectrum that I can’t just take the baby whenever I want as the kids need routine. I live 40 minutes away from her and at the moment don’t drive.
I’m gonna get at c100 form and apply for dna test when babies born. She said she wants me to have psychological assessments done and submit all my medical records. Can she do this? Will she get legal aid cause of my past domestic violence?
I’ve got a bad past but I’m changed now and I want to be a dad to my child.
Thanks in advance
hi,
when i went to court, ex tried to cause trouble with DV allegations. just broken furniture a few years ago lol. but she still got legal aid. i have no police records or anything, so was straightforward for me. cafcass did section 7 report and found no safety issues. pretty routine.
as you have police records/DV history, then it sounds like ex will get away with making court order you to take DV course, psychological tests. whole 9 yards. you will need a mountain of patience. expect them to tell you to see your children in contact centres for a while.
Gonna have a long battle then aren’t I mate? Can I go straight to court or will we have to go to mediation?
I did summat stupid a few months ago to, beat a guy up in front of her in public he went police but it was dropped.
She’s turned around tonight and said she’s had exes of mine messaging her saying I’ve been slagging her off to them and stuff.
She also sent me a screen shot of back in April where I said I’d be having bad suicidal thoughts again how much is all this gonna go against me? Feel like an idiot ever opening up.
Will it not matter I have contact already with my 3 kids? Thanks for your reply mate
hi,
good point. if shes already letting you see kids, then hopefully courts will see sense and let you carry on seeing them in the meantime. thats how it was in my case. but there have been other cases where they be dumb and say no child contact until all these allegations, tests are carried out.
it depends what you want and what courts will decide. before i went to court, i was seeing 2 kids every saturday for most of day. it still wasnt good enough. if i want to take them somewhere fun like lego land, then full fri-sun weekend needed. new born baby was involved in my case too. court ordered ex to let me see baby for 30 mins every saturday, before i pick up other kids. its not much. but as babies breasfeeding, she cant be away from the mother for too long. after baby reached 6 months, court extended me to take baby out with other kids, nearby for 1 hour every 2 weeks.
we left court agreeing that once baby reaches a year old, then she can spend few hours at my house. then from age 2, can look at overnight stays.
The 3 kids I have are with another woman though and obviously this new baby will live 40 minutes away.
She said cause I wouldn’t do background check I had summat to hide. Obviously I was scared how she would react once she found out about DV. But she found out anyway.
She said because I’m unstable and have bad mental health there is no way she’s gonna allow any sort of contact. She going for residency and a no contact order.
I also in a bad temper threatened to stab her son’s dad to him on phone and he’s saying he will support her and give statements. So stupid and sometimes let my bad temper get the better of me.
I’m at a loss really of what to do
hi,
she can say she wants zero contact. but courts can decide something else. its up to you. it will be a bumpy ride. if you want the baby to be a part of your life, there is no harm in applying to courts. there have been other dads in similar situation, that didnt have a good record. they had to jump through lot of hoops and got there in the end.
Feel like an idiot ever opening up.
You should not feel like an idiot for opening up, it's just that now she feels threatened. In a way you could say you opened up to the wrong person.
I want you to seriously consider going to your GP and asking for a referral for counselling services, because reading through your posts, opening up sounds exactly like what you need.
If you don't get anywhere with the GP, consider talking to Beata at http://pegasusmenswellbeing.co.uk/about-pegasus-cornwall/ . She is very good and prices her service according to your income.
Another option when you need to talk about things is to call the samaritans on 116123 ( https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/talk-us-phone/).
Doing this will strengthen your case. You will be able to say, yes I've had these problems, and this is what I'm doing about it.
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