[Solved] Help needed - New Seperation

Hi there

You could attend mediation to get some agreement on the financial settlement and child arrangements.

I’m not really up to speed on the divorce side of things, so I can’t advise you on timeframes, but I would assume it will take longer if there’s no agreement.

As far as solicitors costs, you can try and negotiate a fixed fee, but it is costly, and if the proceedings drag on the bill gets bigger quickly.

Whilst an equal shared care arrangement is possible, it’s not the norm and if the mother is set against it, it can be harder to achieve, although it shouldn’t put you off trying.

Generally, the parent with primary care of the children would receive a greater percentage of the equity. I would suggest that if you offer her a 60/40 split and remind her that the quicker you can reach agreement, the less there would be to pay in solicitors fees, if she refuses and the proceedings drag on you could both lose out financially.

There a good website called Wikivorce where you could get more info about your prospects and a book written by a top divorce lawyer called Marilyn Stowe, called Divorce and Splitting Up that you might find useful.

Some solicitors offer a free initial consultation, which may help and Advice Now have some brilliant guides to steer people through the process, here’s a link

http://www.advicenow.org.uk/file/2455/download?token=ompo7_4o

All the best

Thanks for your time in the reply.

I know it's not the norm but I would assume that's because it's not the norm for Dad's to want 50/50 access, but what is to say she will be better for them?

I want to be with them as often as I can that's all.

I absolutely understand that, as I said it’s possible, just harder if the other parent is hostile to it.

Even if you don’t get it at first attempt, some members here have managed it in stages.

I notice though that even before contact was limited, you weren’t having the children overnight, is that due to your accommodation? If it was, that’s something that you would need to address.

I’d get to mediation as soon as you can, it’s not in the children’s best interests to reduce their contact with you in that way.

She just flatly refused any overnights, I am staying at my parents but there is room here for them both to have a room each separate to me.

In terms of mediation there is no way she will agree to 50/50 so it just seems pointless, is there any point?

Mediation is recommended, both to sort out the financial settlement in divorce and for child arrangements. If you were to make a separate application for a Child Arrangements Order, you would be required to attempt mediation first.

Whilst her agreement makes it all much easier, it’s not essential. For instance, if the sleeping arrangements at your parents is adequate and they have their own rooms, and there are no safeguarding issues, there would be no reason for the court not to agree to overnight stays.

I would at the very least look to having the drop offs at school reinstated and full weekends from Friday after school until Monday morning, with drop off back at school, maintaining the mid week contact and asking for that to be an overnight stay. 50/50 share of all school holidays and alternate Christmas and birthdays,

Perhaps that could be your starting point, with a proposed schedule of increasing contact once your youngest starts school... so getting where you want to be in stages.