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Hi there let me start of by saying this is the first time for me seeking help and i would really appreciate if anyone out there can help me.
Im a 27 year old man who has a 5 year old son
I have been not with his mother for 4 years,
It has been a crazy ride ever since i found out about him on my birthday. when i first found out i didnt want a baby i was scared i was to young and i didnt want to let my family down... fast forward to now
My mother of my child uses the baby as a weapon to get her way, ive tried on so many occasions to be calm and collective but now i feel i have lost a bond with my son and now it has become a chore..
I sometimes feel emotionally detached towards my son, he comes over to my mothers house (as i still live with my mum ) and i often let my mother or other family members look after him. We try to arrange stuff but it has to be with the whole family not just me and the baby, then i get told im a bad dad or a dead beat dad when im not pulling my weight but yet everyone else is in charge when his at my mums...
Then when it comes to his mother
She changes the time, the schedule, her way ,
Ive lost two jobs because of it and im always told i dont see the baby enough, or she guilts me into saying ur son needs a tv or new sofa !! Im emotional right now !!
I feel lost and basically i dont know what to do anymore!!
Im at the point where i dunno if i love my son , or if i want him etc and i have never felt like this before in my life
Maybe im stressed or i see my son as a burden ?
I used to be so close to my son , i tried my hardest to be a good dad or even the best dad but everytime i do , or i try to i get knocked down either by his mum or my family !!
Sometimes i cry and i wonder if i should call it a day and make everyone happy and just walk away or move to another country !! Im so lost !! My feeings are literally gone ???
Please help im sorry
Martin
Hi Martin,
I think you could do with going to see your GP, it does sound as though you could do with some help, and the GP should be able to offer this, it doesn't need to be medication, they can also find support for you and someone to talk to about what is happening and your feelings.
I also think that once your head is in the right place you need to try and get some time with just you and you son, if your ex won't allow this then there are avenues you can take to make this happen.
I do think though before you take those that you need to be in the right place, so make an appointment with your GP first, you need to look after yourself so that you are in the right place to look after your son.
GTTS
Hi Martin
It sounds to me that you are suffering from depression, as GTTS says, it might be a good idea for you to go and
see your GP and have a chat about how low you’re feeling. Medication doesn’t have to be the answer, but sometimes a short course of anti depressants might just help to get you back on track.
Talking about how you’re feeling is a really good first step, I’m sure you’re family don’t mean to make you feel so bad about yourself, have you talked to your mum about it? It might help if you sat down with her and explained how low you’re feeling... she will want to help And it might take the pressure off at home.
There’s not a lot you can do about your ex’s attitude, whilst your not feeling great, try and minimise the contact you have with her. Once you feel stronger, you will be able to cope with her demands more easily... but even for the strongest of Dads, dealing with an ex can still be really tough!
Problems often feel magnified when we’re not feeling at our best, you were right to look for someone to talk to, to share your worries with. If you feel that you want to talk to someone the Samaritans are really good at listening, and are available 24/7...
Call - 116 123 it’s free to call.
There’s also a website called Calm that have a help line that can signpost you to support in your area. Here’s a link to their website
www.thecalmzone.net/help/get-help
0800 585858 5pm - midnight
Well done for opening up about it Martin. All the best and keep talking.
mojo is right that there isn't a lot you can do about your ex's attitude, but you can do a lot about the way it affects you. Prescriptions for a short period of anti-depressants shouldn't be feared - it can help you to feel better about yourself initially, and once you are over that hump, then your own self confidence can be built back up, and you can then become much less reliant on tablets. Of course, counselling may also be the answer - whatever it takes to allow you to take control back of your own feelings, and once you have that, you can deal with the rest of the stuff.
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