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Hey just signed up, so not sure if I'm using this right!
Firstly I'm a mum and step mum, not a dad-sorry!
But most of the mum pages and not all mums seem to slate dad's and I hate the fact the law is on the mothers side and they think it's ok to use children as a weapon and not do what's best for them, when there are so many good, scrap that, brilliant dad's out there (including my fella), who would bend over backwards for their kids.
Basically I need some advice if you'd be so kind.
The arrangement is alternitive weekends Friday-Mondays, 3 nights stay and a weekday every week, but they go back to their mum.
My fella has been in contact with the child since birth, with regular and consistent visits/stays. Plus alternitive Christmas' and extra days during half terms.
We're now in a position to keep the child over night on the weekday and drop off to school or keep if it's a holiday, but this has been refused.
Apparently, the child doesn't want to, but said child has also asked to live with us (depends where and who their with at the time) and it will wreck their routine (they currently get dropped off on the weekday in pj's ready for bed). Basically nonsense, because the csa payment will be reduce.
We don't want to have an extra night to reduce payments, we want to be able to read a bed time story, tuck in to bed, take to school etc.
We really don't know what to do! The child is both of theirs and I don't see how it's an unreasonable request.
Any advice will be greatly received. And if you read this far-thank you!
Hi Jane123 and welcome...no need to apologise for not being a dad, we are a friendly, inclusive lot here!
Was the current arrangement achieved via a court order, or is it an informal agreement?
If your partner has a court order and the mother won't agree to changes, he has the option of re applying to the court for a variation of the order, but mediation must be attempted before a court application can be made. Here's a link to the mediation service
www.nfm.org.uk
If the current arrangement is one decided between the two of them informally , then the same advice applies, except if mediation fails, your partner would be applying for a Child Arrangements Order.
There's lots of info about the process in the stickys at the top of the legal eagle section, but if you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask. Many dads here who have had to resort to court action have self represented, which keeps costs down...solicitors fees cost an arm and a leg and then some!
All the best
Hi There,
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As Mojo has said we welcome everyone here.
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I can't really add much to what has been said, the process seems daunting, but if you do need to use the mediation, court route but although it's stressful it isn't as bad as you'd think.
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many of us here have been through court and come out the other side with a good result.
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If you have a private agreement, it could be worth using mediation, and making an agreement that if the ex would allow the extra night mid week, you wouldn't contact CSA/CMS to change payments.
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Good luck and please ask any questions you have
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GTTS
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