Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi,
I just wanted to say hi and thanks for the information on this site.
Also a big well done for those giving their time to help others. 8)
Reading this site has been a help to me, Thanks.
So a little background:-
I left my wife and son late June. Since then I have seen him twice - neither alone with him. It is a constant struggle 🙁
We both have solicitors and I have my MIAM 15/09 we can then move to court.
She is claiming domestic violence and abuse against her and my son without proof.
I have some questions please:-
1. What can I do to see my son? Can I just go to the marital home?can I pick him up from school?
I'm really stuck between being desperate to see him and not wanting to cause an upsetting scene.
2. My solicitor tells me this is going to cost thousands
Can I write to her and say (nicely) think about this as there has to be a better way for us to resolve this
3. I would love residency for me - should I apply for this
It seems so far away as I can't even see him currently. If I apply for this could it damage a contact order.
4. Should I make counter allegations
She is emotionally and psychologically abusive to my son and I. She is still his mother. I don't want to go down this route but am concerned my contact may be detrimented if I don't?
Thanks in advance for your help
Hi there and welcome
If you post in the Legal Eagle section, you will receive more responses. Sorry to hear that you're not seeing your son.
1) If she is claiming domestic violence, turning up at the marital home or school would only upset your son and leave yourself wide open for further allegations.
2) It is an expensive process although plenty of Dads on here self rep, have a look through the stickys at the top of the Legal Eagle section. As well as using a solicitor or representing yourself, you also have the option of doing the legal work yourself and using a direct access barrister for your hearings or using a McKenzie Friend.
3) You could write to her but again, due to her allegations she may use this against you. Has she agreed to attend Mediation? If she won't, you will get the FM1 tomorrow and a first court hearing is usually 6-8 weeks from application.
4) You shouldn't allege anything that isn't true, it will only discredit your case further.
I know it's a horrible situation but you need to remain child focused and jump through the hoops, keep posting, you will get lots of support and advice on here.
Good luck.
Thanks for the swift response 1626, I appreciate your words
I'm still stunned at how/why I am in this situation. 🙁
How can I go from her begging me not to go and telling me she loves me to being public enemy No 1
I can't believe, because she wants to, she can prevent access. I feel so powerless. There has been no involvement with police or anything to corroborate this in any way. I am definitely guilty until proven innocent.
I had to attend my home with police to get my stuff - and then sit in car whilst policewoman got it. This was all at my instigation as she refused to answer letters,calls & texts requesting access. I knew if I went by myself I would be refused access. Maybe I could have insisted entry but I wanted to do the "best" thing....
As for alleging untrue things - it is all true I have many examples of "abuse". It is a horrible term and used too often is where I am coming from. Perhaps I am niave trying to avoid mud slinging and trying to get this over with as soon as possible. She is still his mother and whatever my thoughts he will be better keeping contact.
So maybe a better way of saying it is should I make counter allegations or assume justice will prevail?
The most painful thing for me is my son is hurting (well i presume he is....) and I can't help him through this difficult time
Unfortunately, its an all too common scenario. Not fair to anyone, least of all the child(ren).
I would say document anything you can, texts, emails and so on. If you're going to Mediation and this will lead to a court application, you may need it all at a later date.
It's good that you're child focused and have your son's best interests at heart.
Good luck with the MIAM today and I hope your ex agrees to attend. If she doesn't and you have to resort to making an application to the court, there's loads of info in the stickys at the top of the Legal Eagle section.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.