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Hi All,
Apologies if I have posted this in the wrong place, I'm new to this site..... I'm looking for any experience or guidance for the following situation please?
2 years ago I won full custody of my daughter at court (whom is now a teenager), with my ex-partner given twice weekly supervised contact. This was following 4/5 years of the Mother suffering on-going mental health issues and being sectioned on several occasions due to none compliance with medication (we shared custody for the majority of her life previously and the Mother didn't disclose her mental health condition to myself - I thought it was depression, it wasn't). The mental health issues culminated in a serious incident where the mother attempted to kill herself and social services turning up at my door to check on my child's safety. Since the court order the Mother has complied with her medication so I have been happy enough to progress access to unsupervised access and added a couple of more hours on the visitation. Now out of the blue without any request from the Mother, I have received a mediation invite which I understand to be a pre-cursor to another court case possibly. At mediation I won't agree to overnight stays or shared custody as it would potentially place my daughter in danger (in my view) plus she's happy and excelling at school but no doubt she will argue that she has a period of stability and she's fine now to resume a greater level of contact. This is all new to me, I obviously have experience of court etc but would appreciate any guidance on how this could end up evolving please if there's anybody with previous experience etc? Happy to provide more, none specific information if required.
Hi there
This must be worrying for you, but I would suggest you attend mediation, you don't have to agree to anything,
As far as the mother seeking a variation and greater levels of contact/overnights, with your daughter being a teenager, her wishes will hold weight. Has your daughter expressed what she would like?
I can understand your reluctance and your desire to protect your daughter, but to avoid giving the decision over to the court, it might be better to compromise with her. A court are more likely to look at her now and not set huge store by what happened in the past, if she is stable and doing well, you might find that the court might well give her more contact and include overnights in that, I'm not saying they would, but it's possible.
Hi, thanks for your response. My daughter has told me several times that's she's happy as she is for now, which sort of doesn't help things as if I agree to enhanced contact it would be against her wishes. Ideally I don't want court as it would be a huge financial burden to pay for legal services again - I've now agreed that I will look at mediation so I can at least find out what she would like from this process (my initial thoughts are that she would like to revert to how my daughter was cared for 3 years ago as she's like that). As you point out, if the judge see's an improvement in court then I suppose she may be granted more time anyhow: this has given me a different perspective thank you.
It's probably better to compromise, you may not agree with her parenting and worry about her capacity, but If you agree to progress, by taking a cautious approach and setting a slow and defined progression, you remain in control, she can't argue that you're refusing and your daughter won't at any point think you are obstructing her relationship.....it's a fine line. I think you have to trust your daughter, sit her down and discuss each progression to make sure it's entirely what she wants and make sure that she knows that at any point that she's unhappy, that you will act accordingly.
Some mediators offer child inclusive mediation, that might be the way to go. If the mediator you are with can't offer it, there's nothing to stop you asking for one to be found that does. As I say, it's all about maintaining control over the situation, control being in your daughter best interests in this instance, due to the mothers mental health history.
All the best
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