[Solved] god help us dads

Hi A1

I've got a college at work who broke up with his ex, had regular contact for a year, then had allegations put in, lost contact for six months, got some back, further allegations, lost contact, got contact back then his ex making excuses why kids couldn't see him, then didn't want to see him, has used ever excuse under the sun, even when told to produce children by judge for contact more excuses in the way of she can't force her children in to car as they become too distressed through produces no evidence to this, hasn't seen his son for over a year now but has started to see his younger daughter for a few hours each week again.... is totally supported by Cafcass but now has referrals local social services who are investigating for the second time putting contact back to supervised contact....... the guys an animal, he looks like s**t some weeks but always has a smile and keeps going and jumping through the hoops put in front of him..... he's said the same as you that it breaks you up..... but he also said that you get to a point where your like..... been there, done that and has learnt to take it in his stride.... that he's doing everything he possible can and has simply come to terms with the situation because its been going on so long that it no longer causes the stress and upset that it once did, but intends to continue on for as long as possible.

For me...... being able to continue on comes down to mental health, how we cope with stress, what resources and support we can access...... each child case i've read on here or know about has similarities but is different in other ways...... i feel gutted for you right now writing this..... but i also feel a lot of admiration for you as well..... its finding out about the more extreme cases like this that help me to put my own problems into a more realistic frame of reference knowing there are people out there who just do not give up on there kids.

keep going strong, keep inspiring others.

CM

Hi Mate,

I am sure i replied to some of your posts a few months back, you were in dire straights then, mind you i know all to well it doesn't get much easier.

I have never been stopped seeing my child over allegations i just got ordered to jump through various hoops in order to be granted a contact order, this is bearing in mind i had already got an order in place but i kinda messed it up. Its pretty rare for a father to be blocked by the courts seeing their children and judges are quite open minded about things now days and even if she accuses you of DV then that wont usually stop access either, but if it was in front of the child and then you may face a few problems.

I know talking about things does make it easier and knowing people are going through very similar situations does help cos you dont feel so alone, but you need to take a step back and relax a little bit. Admin,.3 years ago said all this to me and i was having none of it, i went raging around like a bull to a red rag, and ok to begin with i gained access but it didnt last long, however i went on to do the best thing i have ever done this past 12 months and that was to stop the fight for the time being. I had a hearing last feb and as i didnt follow any of the orders for various reasons (not ignored them) my case was thrown out. For a few days i was a bit gutted but after the initial shock of knowing the fight has stopped for the first time in 3 years i am in so much more peace now, i dont worry half as much, i dont stress about not seeing her, i have stepped back and looked at my options and now ill take it slowly and not panic buy, so to speak. The reason i told you that is maybe you should relax, and the more you relax and not worry the better things will turn out, the more you scrap and fight and worry , your not likely to get the results you deserve.

Paul