[Solved] Getting involvement in my daughters decisions.....

Hi,

I'm really sorry to hear you're having a hard time being listened to and involved in these decisions concerning your daughter, especially when it's her health and well being at stake. I really do feel your frustration, I've been treated similarly by nursery, GPs, etc.

If your name is on the birth certificate, which I'm assuming it is (?), then you have parental responsibility. From what several solicitors have told me, this gives no one any reason why they shouldn't discuss anything with you directly. However, as we've both found out, that doesn't mean these people will give you the information you require. Why? Who knows. Perhaps because the 'system' still needs updating and these people have yet to get the memo that dads are important too. In regards to GPs, specifically, three solicitors have told me there is no reason why I shouldn't be allowed to speak to them directly, by myself, about my daughter without my ex being present, yet I still can't get anything from them.

Personally, I would suggest getting some advise from a solicitor. Most do a free consultation and they might be able to suggest something. Nothing has been suggested to me, personally. I'm on my third solicitor and dealing with a whole heap of other stuff with her, but I will be asking her about this when the time comes.

The other option is mediation, where a third party who is qualified in family law will sit down with you both and try to make some progress. You can do this sitting in the same room as your ex, or if she's particularly volatile, abusive, etc, you can request shuttle mediation, in which you'll be in separate rooms and the mediator will pass messages back and forth until some sort of resolution is found.

There's also the option of going to court for something else and raising this concern whilst you're there (which is kind of what I'm doing). The question is whether you need to go to court. Personally, it sounds like your ex is a difficult character, and I'd recommend anyone with a difficult ex gets a court order in place to gain some more control over their situation and not having their ex running circles and doing whatever she pleases to yours and your child's detriment. Are you happy with how much she allows you to see your child at the moment? Perhaps you could go for more access. I appreciate these things are expensive and money is hard to come by. I'm lucky to be getting legal aid. You may find that after an unsuccessful mediation session, the mediator refers you to court and may tell you what exactly to go for (this happened with me).

On another note, to be blunt, but I'd be tempted to cut off contact from her friends. Unfortunately, they are always going to take her side. I can see why you thought to contact them though.

I agree that mediation sounds like it might be your best option. I'm not sure whether you can achieve anything meaningful at court, unless you are asking for a specific order to move your daughter to a specific school, or that the doctor does have to share reports with you.

Thank you for your reply. Yes I am named on birth certificate, 18 years of marriage.

No there is no hope of mediation, this was offered 3 times during the protracted divorce phase and was either ignored or rejected. She is not prepared to negotiate anything. I am getting access as I need and can accommodate with my job, but this suits her to give her free weekend time - hence no issue. We do not communicate on the subject, there is a rota set and if it needs to change it happens through my daughter. So she is determined not to have any communication with me at all, and that is not a good recipe for sorting out these very important issues in her life.

You are right the Doctor should be communicating with me on it (its a specialist Doctor, rather than a local GP), but she has fallen for the "he is a monster, doesn't pay for kids etc' line. All of which is 100% untrue. Probably do not need to say more, as I can tell from recently finding this site, that there are plenty others out there exactly like her!

The school are on good terms with me but are frightened to 'rile the beast' and need to sit on the fence. So I really am getting nowhere. Essentially my ex makes the decisions in my daughters life by excluding me from the process. Cannot see what I would be taking her to court for, so perhaps a solicitors letter to the Doctor may be the best action, as I am sure she is breaching her professional duties.

Thanks

Hi there

I don't agree that court is overkill, due to your daughters special needs, and as a parent with PR, it's important that you should be included in decisions about her health and education, particularly as she stays overnight with you at the weekend, it's important that you understand her treatment and are consulted on it.

I agree with the others that mediation is your first step, regardless of her likely non attendance, leave it to the mediator to contact her and request that she attends, if she refuses, or ignores the request, the mediator will sign the form to enable you to make an application to court for a specific issue order. I would also think about an application for a Child Arrangements Order too, as she may well stop contact, as a form of control and to punish you for taking it further.

As far as communication with the doctors involved with your child, you have the right to be kept informed, there's a template letter that might be useful, I'll get a link for you.

All the best

http://www.separateddads.co.uk/letter-templates-for-school-health-club-activities.html

Here's a link to a previous thread, where you'll find an example of a letter and other info

https://www.dad.info/forum/legal-eagle/44614-writing-to-practice-manager#68816

All the best

Here's another

http://www.thecustodyminefield.com/flapp/prmedicalmatters.html

Thanks very much for finding those out. I will consider my options and make use when needed. I have had my daughter this weekend and she confirmed she is on the reduced medication at school. This is good, but senseless that her mother could not bring herself to inform me of that. Nor has the school been informed to be looking out for any change of behaviour and of course I have no means to have my input into the results of the medication change.

Anyway, enough said, I will keep pushing for my daughters sake, just would be so much simpler and better for children if the RP would co-operate for the benefit of their children rather than attempt to points score all the time.

Thanks again.

It's is senseless and just not in your child's best interests to refuse communication about her health matters.

Best of luck