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Hi all new to the board and I have some itching questions to my situation.
Burning questions:
My ex is attempting to discuss visitation with me so that she can also have a life (her words) and also be a father figure to the child. We both live in different countries (2 948,0 km apart) and the child is only four. I have never seen the child as my ex left during the 10th week of pregnancy so how could I be a father figure to her. Does this feel like forced visitation to you?
My head cannot get over the additional cost that I will have to pay to travel 6000+ km (round trip) to attend these visitations. The costs that I am thinking about are transportation (flights), Hotels (airbnb), rent and loss of days in work should anything happen as the child cannot travel to me. In your honest opinions am I thinking about this too much, if I commit to this is there expense relief?
Backstory:
Bit of a back story about myself and my situation after the question. As many here have experienced my ex-girlfriend left our relationship just 10 weeks after we found out she was expecting our child. In summary, events didn't go well, she spued lies about me not being the father and she decided to disappear to a different country with a new lover.
Roll on a year after the child was born she contacted me again (lover gone), demanding it was mine and to support her. With the past douth in my head, I paid for a paternity test for my own sake just to be safe and it was positive, since then I am still not on the birth cert. I accepted to pay child maintenance and we made a personal agreement. Since then she has moved around to multiple countries around Europe without informing me, I am only informed when maintenance needs to be transferred to a different account. I'v paid the child maintenance without issue going on three years and have even sent on Christmas presents. Now my ex has moved to a new location and has brought this topic up for discussion even though she has never wanted me to see the child.
Thanks for having me
Khan
Hi there
It’s a difficult situation, with such a vast distance between you and not having formed any relationship with your child.
I assume that the distance, cost and work commitments would prevent regular direct contact, would it be monthly, 3 monthly, twice or once a year? Any of those options would not really be enough to develop a close bond, although you could also use Skype or FaceTime I between... that still wouldn’t provide the mother with a life aside from parenting.
As far as I’m aware, there’s no expense relief, unless you can agree that the maintenance, or part of it, should be used for travel expenses
You can’t be forced to see your child, but perhaps you should ask the mother how she thinks this arrangement might work, see if she has any suggestions for making it work.
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