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Hello to dads and friends out there,
I am a recently separated dad and like most people it's been horrible. We separated when our son was 6 months. I live 10 minutes up the road so immediately after separation I was allowed easy access to our son. I went there to see him and take him on walks about three times a week. It was really great. Three weeks later my ex wrote an email requesting me to give consent to her changing our sons surname which is my surname to hers as we were separated. I asked her for reasons for this and they were nothing to do with our son but how she felt she needed him to have her name. So I did not agree and things turned for the worst.
I received a letter from her solicitors saying she had instructed them to write to me about this and again I stated my position clearly with them giving guided and informed reasons for this. Then another letter from them for me to reconsider my position. Again I wrote to them saying I would not agree.
Another letter came then about child contact she wished to cut it to two days from three because she felt he was too young to be subjected to me coming there so much and she stated what days she wanted. In wanting to keep peace and because my son was young I agreed to this and have been seeing him twice a week since for 6 months now. Not without difficulty and sometimes being turned away and told he is not feeling well enough to spend time with me and it goes on. So although we have had this agreement for 6 months I have seen my son on average once a week for 6 hours a week. And then another email came to inform me she was going on holiday with her family through their solicitors for 6weeks. I agreed to this again trying to be amicable and have not seen my son now nearly two months. This is a wealthy family who will be happy to keep a solicitor constantly working for them while I on the other hand cannot do that. I now know from common friends that my ex is back from their holiday abroad but she gave me a date which is in two weeks as their return date. So I have to wait 10 minutes up the road for two weeks before I can see him.
Our agreement for current contact was only until end of July and then we had agreed on the letters this would be reviewed and a new arrangement would be drawn up a new one from here onwards as our son is a little older. So I have written to her about this. She will not agree to anything. I have tried asking for one night stay every other weekend. This was refused and have asked an extra day at the weekend as I really feel Its not enough time to create a bond with son and for him to really know who I am and to know I am there. For me to be able to introduce him to members of family so he forms a relationship with them too as he grows.
I am paying child maintenance, our son is now 13 months old, they live 10 minutes down the road, I live is a great environment with a family who have kids of their own, he is not breast feeding and is a happy child. I want to spend a little more time with him. I am constantly waiting around for the day to come.
I want to go to court for a little more time. I have paid for mediation and she refused to attend it. So I have been given a go ahead but I am worried that I will be given even less time. What the chances and any advice on self representing? I cannot afford a lawyer.
Hi bumbum....
Welcome to the forum. If you read through my post on the other thread you commented on, you will find some basic advice on there. There's also a lot of advice in the stickys at the top of the Legal Eagle section of the forum.
Don't worry about not being able to afford a solicitor, lots of Dads on here self rep and it isn't as daunting as you think, you can find plenty of support on here.
When making a decision about contact, the courts consider - the wishes and feelings of the child concerned (depending on age), their physical, emotional and educational needs, the likely effect of any change in the child’s circumstances, the child’s age, [censored], background and characteristics, any harm or risk of harm & the capability of both parents to meet the child’s needs.
There's no way of predicting what a court will decide but what you are asking for sounds reasonable.
Sorry to hear that you've been left with no other option than to seek resolution through the court, it can't be easy on you or your son.
Good luck and have a look at the Legal Eagle section or post any questions in there 🙂
It might help,if you were to attend a Families Need Fathers meeting in your area. You will get face to face advice and support and meet others in a similar situation to yourself. Here's a link to their webpage where you will find details of meetings in or near your area.
www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support/local-branch-meetings
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