[Solved] Fathers parenting courses, Mothers?

All the parenting courses I know of are for either parent regardless of gender, I was the only male on the course I attended the rest were female, below the age of 25, with or without kids most had been referred to the course from social services.

To be honest I've never felt so out of place in my life but I learned so much from the course it's really coming into play now I am actually seeing my Daughter 🙂

Thank you for your reply.

It is truly wonderful that you feel you have benefitted so much and that you can enjoy and have the relationship with your child that you so richly deserve.

On a personal level, I find it very difficult watching my son go through The System to gain access to his children ( which he is succeeding in doing ) when he is by far the most competent out of the two of them.

It hurts! Knowing also that the continuing unreasonable attitude by the mother will be never ending, making life difficult for everyone but more importantly possibly causing emotional damage to the children.

It's absolutely horrendous I've realised recently what an impact it had on my own Mother, my Step Dad told me what a state she has been over it all when they came to meet my daughter for the second time a few weeks back.

I took my daughter to meet some other family she has never met a few months back and my Grandmar was crying saying she thought she would never get to meet her great grand daughter it was heart breaking,

It does seem at first that it's all one sided during the court process but it does start to turn through the case in the fathers favour to be honest I felt the courts do value each parent equally it just doesn't seem like it.

You may find once his ex realises that she isn't going to succeed in stoping him being a part of his childs life they do start to calm down and come round a little I honestly thought there was no hope at some stages with my ex but now it's been nearly 5 months since the final hearing and she is pretty much back to her normal self.

Believe me, there is many a tear shed and a lot of worry done by grandparents thinking of you fathers and what you are going through but of course, we cannot show it as it would be an added worry for our sons.

Yeah it must be awful if only these mothers who stop contact realised their actions effect so many people above all the children, I'm not gloating but my ex is defo regretting all she has done I knew she would and I suppose it's like a punishment really, at least us dads who have fought for our children can forever hold our heads high and I know I don't regret anything I told the truth throughout and I can always look my daughter in the eye and say I done my best for her 🙂

My Mum was saying she is pleased by the way things have turned out as she doesn't feel like she's held to ransom by my ex anymore and they wouldn't of had such a good time when they come to visit us and they get to spend quality time with me and my Daughter which wouldn't of happened if I didn't fight the ex.

The feeling your Mother expresses, you say, quote, " doesn't feel like she's held to ransom by my ex anymore," oh, how true! I can identify with that wholeheartedly. I'm just beginning to enjoy the grandchildren for that very reason. There is still the worry until the final hearing but things are going well considering the situation the ex created.

What I find very frustrating is that I have to keep quiet for the greater good regarding the ex's atrocious behaviour which I have seen and experienced. I am not a person who can be manipulated and this did not go down very well with her, consequently I saw a side others didn't. I do wonder if the children see this side of her which worries me. Children will be children and in their exploring and learning naturally do things they need to learn they must not do. At such times, gentle, loving but firm guidance is required. It concerns me how she behaves towards them if they don't do exactly as she expects and wants.

This is the second time round for my Mum as my brothers ex held his 3 children to ransom used them as weapons for 10 years she actually attacked my mum on several occasions so when my ex kicked off she wasn't having any of it and refused to be treated in the same way again so she completely cut my ex off whilst I fought for my daughter as my ex started using my daughter against me through my mum. Now my bro has spit with his ex she has such a better relationship with all the kids and she is civil with her.

I still feel the same way you do towards your sons ex as I do mine but I've sort of channeled that frustration into a way of dealing with her for the sake of my daughter it's tough going but I'm defo getting somewhere you may find that once the final hearing is out the way and there isn't any conflict there his ex may start to chill out that seems to be the case with my situation and a fair few others who have been through it all.

I'm sure if she was treating the kids poorly this would of defo been highlighted by someone in the court case, your mind does wonder and you do come up with all sorts if the mother is with holding contact as you don't know whats going on, my ex had a serious drink problem and I witnessed her hit her first disabled daughter on many occasion even though the courts didn't believe a word of what I told them social services cafcass were straight on her case and checked her daughter every day at school so I think that shocked her knowing that she was been closely monitored.

With that in mind I know what my ex is capable of so I've always had that at the back of my mind when I've been dealing with her and she knows full well I will never lay a finger on our girl and if she does I have PR now and I will just keep my daughter which in turn keeps her playing ball.

Thank you Slim for your reply, it is comforting. Your experiences are certainly enlightening and informative for others. How sad that you have had to suffer so and your family.

Today we saw the children, my son asked her a simple question in a civilized manner and the reply from her was nasty. We have such difficulty as a family understanding her unreasonable behaviour and wonder if she will ever, ever be reasonable. The annoying thing is that she was the architect of all this chaos, how much more will she create? The prospect of her continuing in this vein is daunting. Time will tell..

I honestly think she will change her tune once she realises she hasn't a cat in hells chance of in her eyes of "winning".

I thought there was no hope what so ever with my ex from the second she told me she was pregnant she went completely nuts, she went from one of the most caring, relaxed, placid and kind hearted Girls I had ever met to the most vile, vindictive, aggressive witch from [censored] literally over night, she barred me from all the scans, the birth, she didn't allow me to even meet my daughter when she was born for 6 weeks, I found out the [censored] of my baby and that she was healthy via face book. She then stopped me from seeing my daughter for 10 months and lorded it about saying I was a child abuser, woman beater and a drug addict, she got in touch with all my ex girlfriends, contact the police on many occasions and generally made my life a misery I honestly thought she would never calm down.

I found the best way to deal with her during the court process was to completely cut her out my life it was tough going as obviously I was worried for my daughter but I'm so pleased I did, once the court case was over she was still being a complete [censored] but I thought [censored] to it I turned on the charm offensive and ignored all the [censored] which came out her mouth not reacting in any way shape of form and once she saw there was no reaction she started to change.

After all that nearly 2 years of [censored] I was on the phone to her this morning for 2 hours as if none of it had ever happened she is completely back to normal it's scary really although in my heart of hearts I think it had a lot to do with pre and post natal depression I will never ever forgive her for what she has done but I will put it to the back of my mind for the sake of

Sooner or later she will realise she has to play ball so in the mean time I'd try and build a little bridge with her bit by bit I know it sounds crazy and you probs think I'm being a [censored] but I'd give it a go be nice a pie with her smile and don't react to anything I swear once she sees theres no reaction she will get bored of being a cow all the time.

There is some recognition that fathers can be better parents than mothers in that sometimes the courts will award residence to the father (it happened to me 8 years ago) - it's a very slow change, and realistically (and unfortunately) I think it could be another generation before fathers gain anything like equal status.