[Solved] Extracurricular activities

hi Jack,

i hope hearing goes well for you. this issue of arranging activities in your time, put that at forefront of your hearing. don'tlet it get brushed under the carpet. if her solicitor is messing you around, talking [censored] about UN human rights laws, then don't hesitate to just stick your hand up and speak to the judge. i am sure this is not the first time courts have encountered this silly behaviour from the ex. what if you book a holiday abroad to take your kids. will your wife say you can't go because she has arranged some activities during your time?

Thanks Bill and Dan. You start to question your doing the right thing. I just need to distance myself as much as possible from ex. I have a great family and wonderful wife and this has put us under such stress. I spoke with my daughter about the cheerleading and she just said " if I can't go it doesn't matter."
It just shows it's a crusade for the ex wife. If all they can do is twist the UN Children's rights act to suit them then it's just another solicitor taking some money. I hop the court sees it for what it is. We have had such a wonderful few weeks without it all. It's nice to see the kids all enjoy themselves and be happy without the stress of rushing around. Long may that last. It's caused me so much stress that I've had to go to GP for medication.

You do need to take back control of your own life as a matter of priority - don't take calls or messages when they come in, only at a set time each day or week, so you know the rest of the time is yours and so stress free.

That's exactly what I need and am trying to do.

Is she calling/messaging you on your phone at her convenience? If so, get a new and cheap phone just for this purpose and give her the new number - you can then switch it on only when it's convenient for you.

Yes she does. It's always been the case to try and ease the information flow which recently had got better but it became a way of her harassing me about the classes. It's going to have to change with the court case pending as I don't want to have to communicate with someone who pretends to be amicable but is willing to take me to court over such petty issues with the intention of limiting my time again. It will be something I bring up in court as it isn't enjoyable dropping off the children when I have my stepchildren and wife in the car and she is just openly hostile.

I would still suggest getting a separate phone and doing as I suggest and then explaining to the court why you've done that if your ex complains. If you ask the court to resolve this, if you get a judge on a bad day, he may regard this as a petty manner which you can sort out yourselves, that hands your ex a victory and puts you on the back foot for the rest of the matters.

You do need to take back control of your own life as a matter of priority - don't take calls or messages when they come in, only at a set time each day or week, so you know the rest of the time is yours and so stress free.

i think we need to learn to filter messages. ignore petty [censored] and only communicate for urgent reasons. if its whatapp stuff, i delete the chat after receiving a message. just annoys me to see that chat at top of list.

Block her on WhatsApp and when you get the new phone don't sign it up to any messaging apps with it.

It is too easy for people to send each other [censored] by WhatsAp and other messaging apps.

She will notice that you don't respond if she sends you [censored] by any form.of messaging app and social media, so she will know to SMS or phone.

In regards to the activities she has booked - are there any swimming classes at that time? The thing is swimming is a life saving skill and it is very hard to argue a child can't do swimming but things like Cheerleading are just exervise. There is nothing stopping you booking your children into swimming in your time and not taking them cheerleading.

Unfortunately with a stupid ex like that you have to think what activities are life saving or simply life skills, and whether they are of more value than the activities they have booked them into. If they are you take them to the life saving or life skills activities in your time.

My ex did similar however my partner found activities that were better for my son's disability that we took him and his brother to. His physio said these activities were great and my ex, who is lazy, once she realised I was not going to take the things she booked him quietly backed down. She then stopped taking him to the activities all together. Our disagreement is now over other things.

Thanks for all your support and advice

Attended the first hearing of court case. Sat with Cafcass officer who was able to see both points of view. Ex-wife threw all sorts of inaccurate evidence which I had to consistently correct. I explained to court that ex-wife constantly changing issues within the court with her solicitor. The application was initially made to alter the arrangement order to allow my one daughter to attend cheerleading. It developed into her basically wanting me to give up my midweek or change it at will which would impact my work where I have specific flexible working hours to ensure I am able to collect and drop off my daughters and be with them at all my allocated time as outlined in the child arrangement order. She then altered it to both children wanting to go to cheerleading but only when forced admitted that actually this would include a Wednesday, Friday and Sunday every week throughout the year. So it would mean my midweek overnight would be travelling home in the car and pretty much putting my children to bed and then on a Friday on my weekend not returning home with them until 8.30 as last class ends at 7.30. this meaning knackered children on a Saturday which would be the only day and then being away from home from 9-1.30 on a Sunday with the extra class potentially being at another time which may include a Saturday which means I would have no time at all. I was consistently told that we both have a right to a relaxed family life which I consistently expressed was completely impossible and due to the classes we would be unable to go on holiday (we have a 1980’s caravan which the kids love). I also have 3 stepdaughters which would mean I would be away from them throughout all this time. I complained about the solicitor as every time I tried to put a point across she would sigh, laugh or make a derogatory comment with her client but I was told that I should mind my tone. It was an utter farce. It ended up that even though they had expressed no concerns to court on application, Cafcass on their telephone review and at the court conciliation she then said she wanted to take my Wednesday and Sunday night away as she said that it was unfair on the children But apparently she can as long as she creates a welfare and safeguarding issue as occurring since the original application and that there was a wellbeing issue in regards to them travelling when all I would be doing to facilitate the cheerleading would be travelling backwards and forwards. I said how can they possibly add things and deviate from the original application to the court.
They were not interested in what I offered in terms of evidence of what I do with my children on weekends when we have no cheerleading. I just don’t know how to tackle this in a way that I don’t give complete control to her or lose all my time with my precious girls.
I can’t afford a solicitor so have now opportunity for any advocacy as support and it would seem that the tact of her solicitor is to give inaccurate facts.