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My partner of 11 years recently separated I don't know why and she will not tell me Problem is she was diagnosed with brain tumour grade 3 in January we have 3 young children who are being looked after by her mother have just applied for mediation there is another issue in that she has an online gambling habit too Any advice please
Hi there
This is terribly sad and confusing for you, at a time when you were probably expecting to be closer and be able to look after her.
I understand that a brain tumour can cause changes in personality, this could explain her decision to separate. Could she have taken the decision to leave, to try and save you from more heartache, or from having to look after her and not being a burden to you? Have you spoken to her mother about your difficulty getting her to talk to you?
Are you happy for her mother to take charge of caring for the children? You’re probably still reeling from the diagnosis and sudden split, but I would urge you to give some thought to what you want for the future, regarding your children.
A grade 3 tumour is classed as malignant and fast growing, your partners condition could worsen and it’s important you’re prepared and have an idea if you want the children to live with you... there’s lots for you to think about and decisions you need to make, hopefully she will agree to mediation and you can talk everything through.
If she refuses mediation, I think you need to give thought to whether the children live with you or not... it might be that you can’t take them on as a single parent, in which case you would still need to discuss arrangements for seeing the children, and what financial arrangements you can put in place.
If you want the children to live with you, leaving them with the mother for any length of time might well set a precedent, and when the time comes for you to want them to move back with you, it might not be that easy.
Before all of that I would suggest that you write a letter to your ex and tell her how you feel and why you should be included in any future planning for the children. Let her know that you care and are trying to understand what has happened, let her know you want to support her and the children through this.
It’s a really testing time for you and you will need to be strong.
All the best
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