[Solved] Ex has stopped child contact. Help!

Hello George24,

This is just a brief message of welcome and to say there are many experienced people on here who are very knowledgeable and experienced in the heartache of a father being separated from his child/ren. They will be able to offer advice in how to approach gaining contact with your daughter and the procedures with regard to going to court to gain access.

Many have represented themselves in court and been successful. By representing yourself costs can be kept to a minimum.

I would keep all texts, emails, letters and a diary of what happens as this information could prove useful in court.

I think you are sensible in not wanting to meet your ex at the moment as it could inflame the situation and you may find yourself having false allegations levelled at you.

With regard to what you write there could be a safeguarding / welfare issue regarding your daughter being present in the house under the circumstances you describe, quote, "..... drunken house party filled with rather inappropriate people....."

Look after yourself, keep posting and help will be forthcoming. Your daughter needs you and you need her.

If you are thinking of court at all, you'd need to try mediation first, and legal aid is still available for this, so that might be your first option anyway - try www.nfm.org.uk

As well as legal aid for mediation, you can also apply for exemption from the fees when applying to the courts.

Thanks to everyone for the replies! It's given me a few things to consider. First thing I think is to get that hours access from the childminder if I can

I've read a few things online that suggest I might still be able to get my girl from the childminder for an hour. I do have PR as I'm on my daughters birth certificate and I've picked her up from there previously. I don't want to put the childminder in an uncomfortable position though. Should I just ask the child minder if I can get her even without the mothers concent. With having no communication from the ex about this I don't know if she minds or not. I'm guessing she does though. Maybe a solicitors letter sent to the childminder asking for access might be the best way? What do you guys think?

Hello George24,

I think if your decision is to make contact with your daughter at the child minder's, I think it would be wise to stay there and not take her away from the premises.

If your ex should find you have visited your daughter she could be hostile towards you and / or the child minder and you need to avoid this type of reaction if it is possible. Furthermore, staying at the child minder's gives you and her a degree of protection against any false accusations the mother may level at you as you would both be a witness for the other.

A concern I have is, will the mother take the child away from the child minder if she finds out you have visited?

As of today I decided to simply ask the Childminder about this. She says she's happy for me to see my daughter and take her out too. She says she has no power to stop me ( I think that's the first time I seem to of found any type of Fathers rights!) I'd imagine she'll of contacted the Mother about this by now but I still haven't heard from the mother myself. Right now I'm on top of the world 🙂 I've booked tomorrow off work and I'll travel up to see my daughter after 4 weeks apart!

Thanks for the suggestion of staying at the Childminders house, that may well be a good idea. At least for the first time

I'm hoping the poor Childminder doesn't get any grief for this, I'm already feeling guilty for putting her in the middle. The mother claims to the childminder that I don't want to see our daughter so I don't know how my ex can justify getting angry at her for letting me see her. Hopefully she doesn't start to use a different Childminder but with this being the only hope I have right now of my daughter seeing me, I think it's a risk worth taking.

There's always two sides to every story but in my personal opinion the mother doesn't care less if me and my daughter see each other or not. She works weekends so since stopping me seeing her for the weekends, the childminder tells me she has relatives giving up there weekend to care for our girl until she returns from a full days work. She knows I'm a good father so I doubt she thinks our girl would come to any harm from me. Still can't understand why she doesn't just let me pick up and return to a third party, maybe it's embarrassing for her? I can only guess.

Anyway, all that matters for now is I'll get to see my girl each week, if only briefly but I can live with that. If things deteriorate again I'll be straight back on here!
I'm not too worried about the drunken Friday night parties for now. With my ex having our daughter staying in the house all night, I'd imagine she wont do it and if she does, surely theres bound to be at least one decent person at the party who puts a stop to it.

Hello George 24,

I can understand your joy at seeing your daughter tomorrow but I personally do not believe it would be sensible to take your daughter away from the premises of the child minder. If you do take her off the premises I personally think you could put yourself in a very vulnerable position.

Yes, all fathers in the position you are in want a "quick fix" but it doesn't work like that. To have permanent, regular contact with your daughter an amicable agreement has to be made between the parents or failing that specific procedures have to be followed by applying to court for access.

Who pays the child minder? If it is the mother then the contract is between the child minder and her, therefore making the child minder answerable to the mother. I question if the child minder allows you to take your daughter off her premises what the implications could be for you both.

Fathers do have rights and the courts respect this.

I agree with MoaF - if you do take her off the premises, then the mother might well decide to change childminders and you've lost an ally. Even seeing her at the childminders is a risk, but you would have a witness that all went well.