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Not sure where to start with this; not an experienced forums writer & a lot to say. Sorry for the wall of text that follows.
im 47 years old and had been married for 15 years just to say, my life is not in tatters financially ruined; I am technically homeless - luckily I’ve held on to my job throughout this whole ordeal… I now realise why fathers dress up as Batman and climb things; I’m inclined to do the same if I thought it would help!
So 7th February 2021 I realised I’d had enough. I left home with my daughter for her safety and went to live with my sister / parents.
I realise now I had been hanging on to a relationship for the sake of my daughter for many years, but everything I had read was to stick together as a family and try to make it work. I tried my very utmost.
At the end of January 2021
I had a call from my daughter to tell me my wife had fallen down the stairs and was acting strange. I rang home from work; where a police officer answered to tell me to come home there’s an incident…
heart in mouth I went home my daughter was sitting downstairs she was fine; my wife was in the bathroom & had had a psychotic episode. she would go on to have several more of these in the coming weeks. Well she led us to believe she did.
I spent 3 weeks away from work trying to help my wife (With visits to hospital, 3am ambulance &!police call outs. I will be eternally grateful to my step son and his girlfriend who came to stay with us ; but the reality had dawned by the 7th February she didn’t want to be with me. She never said that and by then she had fooled her parents her sister; our daughter, my parents that she was mentally ill. Unfortunately she would go to hospital and then skip out before being properly assessed. I think she was held for 24 hours at one point but was again released. She wasn’t mentally ill - she had concocted a plan to get me out of the house. She changed her next of kin to her parents so the doctors wouldn’t divulge any information.
The day after I left, she changed the locks - I got a text to tell me my possessions where in the garden (In the snow). Several visits and I had collected my stuff; I also was in contact with social services at the time as I had the hellish task of reintroducing our daughter to her mother after her behaviour. Social services were involved and confirmed she was mentally stable enough to have our daughter.
I’m not sure - I knew from the start she wouldn’t want me to be involved with our daughter as she is very controlling and despite my being a better parent, and giving our daughter better direction in life (not saying she doesn’t need mum and I wouldn’t ever say bad things about her mum despite wanting to on several occasions)
my ex will not speak to me or answer my calls. The mortgage on the house she still livea in isn’t being paid so I am hoping it gets sold. I’ve text my ex that but nothing.
We have a loose agreement that she signed saying I would see our daughter at the weekends.
since that time a weekend doesn’t go by that she hasn’t changed the timing, the dates, anything to mess me around and make me put my life on hold. Worse still she has manipulated our daughter so that now she doesn’t even really want to see me anymore. My daughter still loves me & but she has started to be rude to me lately which isn’t good or in character (All because of the ex) I hold out hope - the problem is I have no say and no control. My daughter is really the only support network my ex has and she treats her life an adult despite the fact she is only 10.
the last 2 weeks my daughter has been telling me how she is helping mummy because she needs help due to “stress & anxiety”?? My wife doesn’t even work. I don’t want to sound unkind but I think a lot of this is for effect and a way to manipulate our daughter. the ex is also lieing texting me that I can see her on Sunday and then my calling my daughter to say “are you ready” and getting a text back from my daughter to say she knew nothing about a visit. I can hear the ex in the background saying “I never text him”
I’m tempted to go to court and get a Child arrangement order but am concerned what impact that will have on my daughter… I’m dragging her away from the only home she has ever known.. also I feel like if I start taking things to court my ex is a drama queen narcissist and this sort of thing will be right in her wheel house; she will probably start making up all sorts of nonsense about me, although I’ve never done anything wrong….
There’s more but this is a start - I just want to be able to see my daughter and not keep getting the run around from the ex.
anyone been in similar that can give any advice? Thanks, Richard
to put it bluntly, without a court order, your ex can do what she wants with no comebacks at all, and sounds like the only chance you have is to try for mediation and if that doesn't work, then take it on to court. You aren't getting anywhere with a gentle approach, so she's forced your hand really.
Hi
Whilst it's understandable to worry about the court process and its impact on child, you need to focus on the long term benefits of taking this course of action. There may be some short term impact but nothing that structure and routine and love and care with you will not overcome.
I'd suggest looking at mediation and then court.
All the best.
Nothing to stop you applying for a child arrangements order using the form C100. You can do this yourself and there is a guide to the process on the advicenow.org.uk website. First step is mediation which costs around £100. If she doesn't attend, then the mediator will sign a section of the C100 form. The court will ask for reports and these carry great weight in court. On the form ask for what you want - usually weekends, half the holidays, alternate Christmas, Father's Day - those sort of things. You can tell your ex that this is what you will do if she keeps messing you around. There are also problems with sorting the house and finances and you will probably need a lawyer for that
@champagne
Forgive me if this is the wrong thread to ask this question, maybe I should of started a new thread and I'm thinking out aloud here.
Is it viable to contact social services or Cafcass and inform them that you are going to be making applications to the court for child arrangements and that there is NO evidence of domestic abuse in any way or form and if they can do whatever checks they need to do to confirm this.
Rather than make the application, then have the accusations and lies to follow, which in turn would take them time ( 10 months in my case) to check out that it was a load lies made up just to disrupt the relationship between child and parent. Nip the nonsense in the bud at earliest possibly opportunity so to speak?
@champagne
Forgive me if this is the wrong thread to ask this question, maybe I should of started a new thread and I'm thinking out aloud here.
Is it viable to contact social services or Cafcass and inform them that you are going to be making applications to the court for child arrangements and that there is NO evidence of domestic abuse in any way or form and if they can do whatever checks they need to do to confirm this.
Rather than make the application, then have the accusations and lies to follow, which in turn would take them time ( 10 months in my case) to check out that it was a load lies made up just to disrupt the relationship between child and parent. Nip the nonsense in the bud at earliest possibly opportunity so to speak?
Just started this myself.
You have to do Mediation, who will ask both parties if abuse. You put none on the C100 form. Making a false claim about abuse would be a serious matter, so you'd have to have some [censored] to do that.
Why would she claim abuse later on?
The allegations didn't come my way until court applications were made and the ex was informed of them.
It was pointed out there were no allegations or concerns before the court application was made but still took 10 months to get them dismissed via a fact finding..10 months in a contact center based on twisted lies and accusations..but on the other hand the contact notes were vital in proving Alienation.
The allegations didn't come my way until court applications were made and the ex was informed of them.
It was pointed out there were no allegations or concerns before the court application was made but still took 10 months to get them dismissed via a fact finding..10 months in a contact center based on twisted lies and accusations..but on the other hand the contact notes were vital in proving Alienation.
Hopefully court took a dim view of the lies.
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