Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
:boohoo:
Ok so here goes
I met a man before christmas, got on really well with his parents, but then found out he was a heroin addict/crack user, I went back to speak with his dad regarding this evidently upset as we'd just discovered I was in fact pregnant
To cut a very long story short, His parents assured me they'd be there for me regardless of me no longer being in a relationship with their son, however this was cut very short due to various abusive texts from him as well as certain other family members of his,
Throughout my pregnancy I had no support whatsoever and he then went on to deny that the baby was even his alongside with his parents doing the same even though he came to the first scan etc
I already have a teenage son who I've raised myself, extremely well, however through my pregnancy I called social services to help me get away from him and his family as they live literally round the corner,,,,
This never happened they in fact put my unborn baby on a child in need plan!
They went on throughout my pregnancy having meetings and such, I went into labor early and had my child 6 weeks premature
they then take this to court and ruled for me to go into a mother and baby placement, complete an parenting assessment, a mental capacity assessment the works, aswell as getting dna testing done on him!
To put it mildly my life has been flipped upsidedown
Now Ive carried my child alone, had my child alone, without any of their support, now the dna has been proven he all of a sudden has rights to see my baby even though in court hes addmitted to using heroin and crack on a regular basis, to say I am livid is a massive understatement but I'm doing all I can ,
They know Im not happy with this as wanted to move away origionally and still have this planned for when we are out of here but now his parents are also wanting to have contact, and are against me massively,
He is not on the birth certificate, and Im not aware of my rights, I'm deeply scared and concerned, and feel trapped by the ss, I feel as though they're dragging me back in to toxicity when in fact if I had have stayed with him for example theyd have tried to take my baby, please can anybody give me advice .
Its in my teenage sons best interest as well as mine and my newborn to get away from this, Im a massive fan of fathers who genuinely want to see their children etc, please help me if you can
Thankyou
Hi
Only a court can order contact and if there are safeguarding concerns about the father, they will have a duty to investigate these before allowing unsupervised contact.
If the father has admitted to such serious drug addictions, it's likely he will need to prove himself clear of drugs via testing.
Perhaps CS have put the CIN in place due to concerns regarding the father?
Depending what court proceedings are currently in place, you can make your own application for a Child Arrangements Order but I would consider getting some direct legal advice.
In terms of your rights - the rights are really of the child in these scenarios.
Try giving Coram a call and they should be able to help. You can also try the Family Rights Group.
Best of luck
I agree with Yodas advice,
Professionals, such as Children Services, would be alert to the potential need for early help for a child who, among other things, is in a family circumstance presenting challenges for the child, such as substance abuse, adult mental health problems and domestic violence. A clear and thorough assessment of both parents would be appropriate to be able to make a balanced decision .
I would say you should work with the authorities, if the father wants to step up and have a relationship with his child he will need to demonstrate that he is capable of doing so. There are many parents that can parent well with support, that have a range of issues. Your children's well being and safety are everyone's priority, but as Yoda suggests, it might help you to contact the organisations that are signposted, for support and advice.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.