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Hi, new to the group, any advice support much appreciated as I’m at my wits end.
Wife left out of the blue a couple of years ago, have been a nightmare since, so controlling with our two kids, evertinga on her terms or she kicks off if I don’t agree. I have our two girls 5 nights out of 14 and hoping to increase to 7 out of 14. My oldest wants this and so do I (youngest is too young to know). Oldest has autism and has taken this all badly and my ex is saying she’s fine - she’s not. Ex won’t talk or communicate and I’m currently in mediation with her to sort out custody and ready for divorce. I pay her monthly and am broke now, have to live 40 mins from my kids as can’t afford to live near the. She’s got a nice house now, earns more than me, gets all child benefit etc and I’m broke, living in flat and suffering mentally and financially. Her constant digs at me when she wants something and I refuse gets me down, no self esteem left and I ended up in counselling 6 months ago as couldn’t cope anymore.
I really want an extra day a week with my kids, they want it as well and to be honest our quality of life would improve dramatically if so as I’d be trying to stop paying her. She’s currently refusing after first mediation and one of her reasons was due to me ina. Flat and her in a house and the distance. I’ve now purchased a new flat 2 miles from her however she’s still refusing.
Can she refuse? I think it’s perfectly reasonable and I can’t think of any logical reason why she should refuse unless she just wants the money to keep coming.
She is a great mum although did introduce her new bf to my girls lives just 2 weeks after her ex and then a week later full integration with the bf family and kids and now only 4 months later they’re talking to my oldest (autistic child) about all moving in together!!! I think this is well out of order for a sensitive child to ignore there feelings this way. I’ve told her that her selfish behaviour is wrong and not good for our eldest and totally inconsiderate to her autistic needs. She doesn’t take any criticism and see she’s doing any wrong. Fulll in communication breakdown now and she won’t talk/ or even acknowledge me anymore. I am her past and she has emotionally locked that door and thrown the key away.
Please someone help and advise me, I’ve had two years of this and I think it’s never gonna end. I’m going to go for the 50/50 custody as I know my
Kids want this and we love being together.. I’m just tired of the mental torture she puts me through..
I’m broke, 2 lively kdis in my small flat, stress levels through the roof , feel like I’m fighting depression (as refuse to go to drs) and don’t know if I’m strong enough to keep up the fight against my ex.. all I want and have ever wanted was for her to be considerate and reasonable when it comes to the kids... why is it so hard?
help!!
Hi and welcome.
At the moment, you need to see what comes out of mediation, and if that doesn't resolve anything, or look as though it might, then you need to move on to court. With regards to getting 50/50, that is up to the court, but be warned, even if you do get this, if the mother says that she has the children stay more than half the nghts, then the CMS probably won't agree to no payment. The best chance you have of this is if you can split the child benefit, but I suspect this won't be easy. What you mustn't do is to maje a court case about trying to be more equitable with the child maintenance, the courts don't like the hearings to be about money.
Thanks for the advice much appreciated. I’d be having my boys 7 nights out of 14 as currently it’s 5 out of 14 so only one night more a week and this is why I can’t see the reason she’s blocking me. So from the cms point of view this would be half the nights we me.
It’s really not about the money, I had the boys loads in November (more than half) and still paid her the full amount when I could have turned around and changed it.
I just feel that it’s massively unfair how she earns 20% more than me, has all benefits and a lovely new life and yet I’m here struggling unable to take my kids on holiday (she can) buying them second hand clothes ... you get the jist.
My kids want to be with me an extra day, I want them an extra day and the reduction in maintenance would just be the icing on the cake as that extra money could be spent on the boys and they’d have a less stressed dad and ultimately a better life.
I think it’s all about control with my ex tbh which unfortunately makes me think this nightmare is never going to end.....
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