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Hello everyone,
I separated from the mother of my two young boys, (6), (2) around a year and a half ago. She "allows" me contact every second weekend from Friday 4pm - Sunday 4pm, telephone calls are sparse and she told me she won't be encouraging them to call me.
I am and always have been a good, loving, dad and love my boys very much, but my ex partner won't agree to give me dates for holidays until I send a solicitors letter, and she won't give me an equal amount of time during holidays with my kids.
I am currently out of work so I receive Legal aid, and she knows that providing she gives me "some" regular contact with my kids the Legal aid board won't pay for me to take her to court for a contact order/equal rights to holiday time/private telephone conversations with my boys, so basically she has me over a barrel.
I am determined to get equal rights to be with, and see my children if it's the last thing I do, and I wish every fathers rights group, members and supporters could come together and demand our Government change the laws and give us the right to see our children. I also want my sons to know I fought for my right to see them when their mother made it difficult for me.Thankfully I am about to start a new job very soon so I won't have to rely on Legal aid when I go to court.
If anyone has any advice for me I'd be glad to hear it, I feel like I'm banging my head on a brick wall sometimes as I have tried to be as reasonable as I can (moving out of the house we shared leaving everything apart from my personal belongings so my kids wouldn't suffer), and still she makes it difficult as possible for me. I'm sure lots of fathers have been in similar situations.
Thanks
Hi Beef,
I think you may be banging your head on the wall for some time to come mate...... so do it lightly :).
Take heart in that your seeing your kids every other weekend. if your seeing your kids then keep a diary of dates, how often you have them, when and where you pick them up/drop of,, start keeping records of dates, conversations etc. make sure you keep a recorded of messages using texts, emails etc. you just don't know what you'll need as evidence further down the line if things go south.
Get to know your kids headteacher, ask to be put on their mailing list for copies of school reports,etc make sure that you attend parents evenings, sports days and such like, build up these relationships with the teachers/head now before you do awt. same if your kids are involve in any clubs.... get involved if you can, make yourself known to the coaches, is your youngest is at nursery?. Get to know who looks after your kids and when....do they go to preschool or after school clubs? this may prove useful later when suggesting additional time that you could be spending with your kids... even if its just being able to take them to school.... if it saves her money and gives you a extra hour a day before or after school to be with kids??? then great...... things like this could be a starting point for negotiating with your ex. you will have to go to mediation first before you apply to the courts anyway.
I'm assuming you have parental responsibility..... that your on the kids birth certificates or you were married to their mum? as this could potentially affects things quite a bit if not.
There will be others along shorty who will give you more sound advice.
Please be aware.... you may find that you don't get to see your children for a while if you do decide to take this through court.... your ex can make things very difficult for you if shes that way out....... so before applying find out all you can about how the courts work, what your likely to go through personally (emotionally.... it can be hard and very tiring) and most importantly what the likely outcomes are going to be at the end of it all given your already the non resedent parent...... if you can get a better outcome without taking this to court then it will save a lot of heart ache and money....... Justice and fairness within the court system are not one and the same thing.
Hi sorry to hear of your situation.
I have edited your post to remove names. We are a public forum and anyone can read your posts. Confidentiality is of the utmost importance in children matters.
Unfortunately, Legal Aid no longer exists for family cases unless there is proven domestic violence. It has been that way for a few years now.
The contact you have at the moment is pretty bog standard but there isn't any reason why your children shouldn't be able to have more.
You would have to start with mediation first, attempting this process is mandatory before a court application will be accepted. If it does not work or she refuses to attend, the mediator will sign the paperwork that will allow you to apply.
Legal Aid is still available for mediation so it might be worth trying this step whilst you are currently unemployed.
You can find your local mediator using the link above.
It might also be worth attending a Families Need Fathers meeting in your area where you can get face to face support and guidance on how to move forward.
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