Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi
I need some advice and I'm not really sure what to do next. Two years ago, before my husband and I were married, his ex stopped contact with his daughter when he refused to agree to change his daughters surname. We had no other choice but to go to court and, after a failed non-molestation order, a drug test and a lot of lies, my husband got shared residence on alternate weekends and overnight Wednesday which wasn't as much as we'd enjoyed previously but better than the 6 hours a week we'd had for months on end!
This agreement has been in place for over a year now, it's worked out ok until this week. As my stepdaughters mum had her for the last weekend of the Easter holiday she's now decided that we are to have her the first weekend after the holiday, the problem being that I work alternate weekends and always have the weekend off when she is here and this is my weekend to work so it's not our weekend to have her, it is her mums. Her mum insists that she hasn't made a mistake or changed the weekend and is trying to call us liars when it's on our calendar in black and white!!
If course this all started Friday night when my husband "forgot" his daughter and got an upset phone call from her, he tried to explain it to her, and to his ex, but to no avail. She keeps changing her story, one minute this is how we've always done it, the next she's not changed anything and this is how it is from now on. My stepdaughter is very upset, she knew all about the argument when my husband picked her up and told him her mum has told her every nasty thing he's ever said to her mum and she knows it's him who's the trouble maker!
What do we do next? I've only been at my job 6 weeks and requested my weekends to work around my stepdaughter, if I change my weekend I have a feeling her mum will just change it back to be awkward. If we go back to court my stepdaughter will be upset and I'm worried about the brainwashing and obvious attempts to turn her against her father being exacerbated when mummy tells her daddy's making her go back to court again. My stepdaughters upset as I'm working and even she's aware that it's not supposed to be our weekend as I'm out and can't do anything with her or as a family. I'm a community care worker so I'm out all hours!
Last time in court was so expensive, my husband would rather self represent, if we go down this route how do we go about applying to have the court order enforced? She can't change the arrangement without written consent and she's not even mentioned a change in any correspondence, the first we heard of it was when my husband was called a bad father for not collecting her from the bus stop after school!
Any help would be greatly appreciated
I have to agree that if you were to change your work pattern, she'd probably change the weekends back again, so I don't think that's a serious option, though you could explain the situation to your employer - it might not be inconvenient for them, in which case you could go for that option.
Otherwise, you could all try mediation to see if you can get anywhere that way (and probably a good idea to show the court that you had no choice, in case you do have to go to court) - it's all preferable to going back to court, but if you do have to, your husband can self represent, and he's only going for an enforcement of the existing order.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.