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Hi all
In November me and my wife realised we were not meant to be together and despite me offering to move out and allowing her space but still assisting in childcare, she opted to walk out with our son and moved over a hundred miles away to her parents. I thought this may happen but what she did next put me in a state of shock for weeks. I was under the impression that she would be amicable and we will figure out how we will raise our child together, ie joint custody. He went to a nursery local to our family home for a couple of days a week and I thought she would bring him back so he could attend and then I would drive him back to her or something along those lines. How wrong I was. The day before he was due to go I asked when he is returning, and I got "this is his home now and I have changed his nursery". I could not believe what she was doing.
Here is where I went wrong. I phoned citizens advice as I knew nothing on how to deal with this and did not want to do anything wrong and they said you need to speak to a mediation service. So I did. The mediation service said you must try this first and if that fails you can go to court. Mediation did fail through her lack of engagement and I then approached a solicitor to initiate court proceedings. The solicitor informed me that in these circumstances, had I gone to him straightaway I could have gone to court and had my child returned and skipped mediation. As I waited six weeks to go to him, to get an immediate return becomes challenging but still possible. The hearing is imminent. What also did not help is this all happened in the run up to Christmas when solicitors/mediation services/courts are shut for a length of time.
Gents, the hardest thing I found when my son was taken was thinking objectively and not allowing emotions to govern what I do. Think carefully and take advice from more than one source.
Anyway, I hope this is useful and it is great to see a forum dedicated to Dads that care.
Have a great day all.
Hi there
I really want to reassure you that it's just not true that the solicitor could have had him returned, he's talking about an emergency application, which doesn't require mediation beforehand, but courts wouldn't remove your child from his mother unless there were serious safeguarding issues with her care. I think it's thoughtless and cruel of the solicitor to make you feel that it's somehow your fault and there could easily have been a very different outcome.
I think it would be sensible for you to contain your expectations, it's highly unlikely your son will be returned without the mothers agreement. It's more likely that the court would ok try and get you to agree on a schedule of contact and how that might work as far as travelling to and from contact etc.
If you're still in the family home, this will work for you as your child will be in familiar surroundings when he is with you. Lots of courts start from a basic alternate weekends and. Holiday time, with a share of school holidays once they start school.
Best of luck
I am thankful for any advice/experience shares like this. My solicitor felt the case for an emergency order was strong as I was his primary carer and my wife was working full time.
Hopefully it will all get sorted soon.
I wouldn't necessarily agree it's that linear that the mother can move away 100 miles, keep the child and there's nothing the father can do other than accept the situation and see the child twice a month, ie, every other weekend. There is more to the story that we don't know that could well change the outcome, like how involved he has been in the child's upbringing, what level of support he has to help raise the child shall he decide to apply for a residency order to have the child returned to the home where the child has always lived.
If you don't communicate with your ex ( because anything you tell her she can use to apply for a non-molestation order ), can show you have always been involved in your child's upbringing, have good family support to help you raise your child and are able to work part-time/reduced hours/flexible work, I'd say you have a higher chance of a successful residency application. It would take a long time ( I know one who took 3 years before he finally got residency of the child ), and if you choose to use solicitors/barristers will be prohibitively expensive, but if you play your cards right, it's extremely hard/painful but possible, but if you give up before you even try, it's not.
My solicitor applied and within a three days we got an interim prohibitive order saying the child should stay in the marital home.
But we acted before the child was removed. I think timing does matter. If you apply within days of child moving, I think there is still a chance of the child being returned.
Also regardless if you decide to apply for residency or not, what I would do straight away is find a contact centre that offers supervised contact near where she took the child and submit a self referral to them, then instruct your solicitor to write a letter to the ex saying you'd like to see the child at the contact centre. Once at the contact centre, the staff there will write a report (because it's a supervised session), and if that report shows you and the child have a good relationship, there's a good chance your case may progress faster.
To give you an example, I had one of these reports before my 1st court hearing (thanks to Mojo's advice at the time which was brilliant), and it was fundamental in convincing both CAFCASS and the court to accept my position, to the point that CAFCASS didn't even feel the need to do a section 7 report, which would have dragged my case by at least another 4 months.
That does put a slightly different slant on it... are you applying for him to live with you? Are you working, is she in employment now? I would still advise you to keep a rein on your expectations, the move has already happened and he is installed in a new nursery,
I would be surprised if they returned him to you, but don't give up hope and please do let us know how you get on.
All the best.
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