[Solved] Don't know what to do !!

Hi,

This is from personal experience.

You mentioned parental responsibility, to get a contact order put in place from court you need to have PR. Unless there are serious circumstances the court will give you PR no problems, its the same as being put on the birth certificate but i guess you know that.

Personally i would accept to not be on the birth certificate for now and have an easy life. If you upset the apple cart then it will seriously jepordise things. You currently have access and thats the main most important part, and the hardest obstacle has already been overcome. Just be nice, play puppy and roll over. As hard as it sounds thats the reality of it

If you do go down the route of court there is no reason for court to change the contact which you currently have in place, they should let it flow freely, the only thing that changes is you have the law on your side. but as i have already stated, the ball is usually in the mothers court. like i said, keep her sweet cos she is as powerful as any family judge, and it is very rare a judge will force mothers to do anything they dont feel comfortable with.

Jesus, i wish id listened to my own advice 2 years ago!!

Paul

Hi Paul, Sorry to threadjack here

I'm interested in this topic. Not just that but as you say you have not had such a good experience? I'm at dire straights with my ex atm.

She isn't following our parenting plan from mediation and is being an absolute nightmare. My head is peppered with it all.

I'm under the impression that the judge will help us but from your opinion, they can't enforce their decisions? is that true?

Hi,

I have not had all bad luck with my daughter and im happy to share my experience as thats why i am here

I got awarded a contact order 2 and a half years ago. I did have a chance of it not having to go to court but i did mess things up at the start and court was eventually my only option. I did all the meditation and filed the relevant forms. The mother was being incredibly difficult, she got a solicitor, she lied to CAFCASS and also lied to court, but what ultimately got me access was the mother of my daughters family. Her brothers, her mother and father stepped in, quashed the silly bickering and forced her to give me a chance regardless of what court said. The fact i got the contact order was just my legal back up.

Now if the truth be told if it was not for the mothers family then who knows the outcome. I know a judge will not forcibly make a mother do anything they dont want to do. Also it is not in the best interests of a child to punish a custodial parent.

I did seek an hours free legal advice about 12 months ago, we had a great meeting, she gave me hope but her very final comments really deflated me, she said in 30 years of family law she has never known a mother to get punished for not allowing a fathers access even after a court order. it does break my heart to think this but she said if courts all you have then keep trying and one day you might get another chance.

Mothers hold as much power as a judge, you need to play dumb, act like a puppy and bite the bullet. By law mothers can be punished for denying access but its very rare and very long winded. I am just being brutally honest from my applications. I have first hand experience of how judges and CAFCASS treat you, at how long it takes for it all just to go round and round in circles. The system did work for me to an extent but as it goes, the whole thing is draconian and a complete joke. The admin on this site are fabulous, very tactful and more professional than i ever will be, but i can give an honest first hand opinion and im always willing to help others not make the same mistakes i made.

All the best.

Paul

You said....I'm under the impression that the judge will help us but from your opinion, they can't enforce their decisions? is that true?

....it really does depend on the judge, if you get a good one they will be forceful, but if you get one that is weak or favours motherhood, then you are less likely to get a fair deal. In my opinion though, most courts will do their best to get a good arrangement in place, as this is what's best for the child. The age of the child is fairly important, and if you can show thoughtfulness and expect to show flexibility as the child gets older, that should work in your favour in the long term.

If a child is very young, work on a schedule of increasing contact that reflects the child's growing independence and is thoughtful of the mothers anxiety. As long as you keep your approach completely child centred this should work for you.

All the best

My ex has panicked she has got the mediation letter and said I can go on the birth cert ,is it normal for mothers to panic and play ball with you

On occasion it is, sometimes they just don't want the headache or the financial burden if they are working. Maybe better to iron out your differences in mediation rather then have to make a threat to straighten things out everytime she decides to make things hard for you? In mediation I was rightly told if you are 70% happy with the current situation leave things be. Otherwise get booked in and iron things out

My ex has panicked she has got the mediation letter and said I can go on the birth cert ,is it normal for mothers to panic and play ball with you

It can happen and it's a good sign in my opinion, she's not so entrenched or hostile that she won't back down. If she is now in agreement you can go ahead with a Parental Responsibility Agreement; no court involvement, it you will both have to attend at the Registry Office together if I remember rightly.

You might be in a good position to work on a Parenting plan, there's a sticky about this, with templates, in the legal eagle section. It's a CAFCASS plan and is really comprehensive, covering all aspects of co parenting. If you can get some firm guidelines in place now, the future should progress with little disruption.... that's the plan 🙂