[Solved] DNA results

Hi There,

I can understand how you feel this must be horrible after 12 years not knowing, though you must have had some concerns to get the test carried out.

I would imagine that as long as you used a proper company to carry the test out then it would be accurate, of course there is still a slim chance that a mistake was made somewhere along the line, but I would imagine that is very rare.

If you wanted to rule this out 100% use another company and do it again, that way if the result is the same you know 100% but if it is different then you can start to question.

GTTS

Hi there

I’m really sorry to hear this, it must indeed be devasting for you. Was there a reason you took the test in the first place? I’m assuming you've had doubts for a while, so if that was the case, then you did the right thing for you... doubts of this magnitude can be soul destroying if left.

As GTTS has said, if you’ve used a reputable and accredited company then there is virtually no room for error.

Another test might help you if you are unsure of the company’s credentials, but I would recommend that you use a court accredited testing company, you may have to pay more, but it will be worth it to allay any doubt.

I think you need time to let things settle, don’t make any knee [censored] decisions, until you’ve had time to digest the result and given some serious thought to what you would like to happen next.

You and your child are both innocent parties in all this, but just let me say that you’re her Dad, whatever the genetics of it... you have to ask yourself, what you want for her I think, and whether you can put this aside and carry on being her Dad.

There are many men that have managed this because the love they have for their child is unconditional, as is the love of the child for their parents.

Whatever you decide, we are here to listen.

All the best

To be honest i had my doubts since day one. So many things didn't add up. When the ex fell pregnant she initially told me she didn't care if i got involved. She was wary the day we went to register the birth. I found out about her cheating on me over 4 times during our relationship. She had 2 abortions during the time we were together that left me guilt ridden. I later found out through her best friend neither of those pregnancies were mine anyway. There was rumours circulating that i was not my daughters father but i just soldiered on.

4 years ago i ordered a DNA test and told the ex i was doing it her response was "go ahead" and at the time that statement from her allayed my fears. After all who would tell you to go ahead knowing you might not be the dad?? So i binned the test and never carried through and duly paid my £400 per month maintenence and built up my relationship with my little girl.

Fast forward to now and the lingering doubts have slowly ate away at me to the point i cracked and just had to know to be sure. I used Dadcheck an accredited testing service. The result read that i am excluded as the biological father. I sent the results to my ex asking her to explain and recieved a tirade of abuse about me trying to dodge resposibility and how she will get "a proper" test done. Never denying the result but not admitting her deciet either.

I want to continue a relationship with the little girl ive raised as my own. But i won't lie i don't want to fund my ex's lifestyle any long i couldn't afford to as it was. I would never see her go without but ive paid my ex so much money over the years and seen her blow it all on drinking, nights out etc while the child went without.

I know the minute the moneyy stops she will pull the plug but i don't want that what do i do? Just carry on being a schmuck subsididing her lifestyle while i sit potless?

It’s difficult, I guess you’re right to expect the plug to be pulled if you stop paying CM.

You could apply to the courts for contact, but it’s not a given...the court could decide that long term, the child is better knowing the truth and moving on.

You could try mediation to try and sort something out of this mess, but if she can’t even be honest with you at this point, I can’t see how mediation could work.

I feel so sorry for you and your daughter, that little girl may never know who her biological Dad is, if the mother is in denial about it. Even if she prevents a relationship between you, she still might prefer to blame you, rather than come clean.

I get the sense that if you continue to pay, you might end up resenting the fact, especially as you are struggling to afford it.

Could you speak to your daughters grandparents, or an aunt or uncle for instance? It might help to get the little girls family involved so that they can support her... you could buy things for her and pass them over that way maybe?

It’s not going to be easy, but as I said, give yourself time to take it in before deciding what you want to do.

Best of luck

I would certainly fight for contact - the court won't be happy with her if she gives the reason for stopping contact that you are not paying maintenance. Of course, you now have the option to stop paying directly, and to pay for things for your daughter, and also to save into an account for your daughter for when she's older.

If you do decide to go to court, we will do all we can to support you. It might be worth attempting mediation first, to see if there some middle ground. Whatever you decide we will do what we can to help

All the best