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Looking for some advice please.
I obtained a court order to see my kids ( aged 10 ang 7) in May 2016. A couple of weeks after this the court order was broke almost every time my contact was to take place. The kids mother would say they don’t want to come, they were going somewhere with her, they were ill, I had to return them early or they simply wouldn’t be in when I went for them.
This went on for well over a year during which she wouldn’t let me speak to them on the phone without it being on loudspeaker so she could hear everything that was said and I was blocked from the children’s phone so I couldn’t even text them.
She stopped them going on holiday with me and my partner ( even though order said I could) and somehow managed to make sure they missed every weekend away or trip I planned for us all.
Eventually I contacted the kids school to see if they could help as I was sure this would be having an effect on them. They set up a meeting to try and sort out contact with us all. During the meeting I exposed her lies and showed examples of her manipulation of the kids. The school agreed with me that the kids were being affected and asked if I would let them contact early contact ( social services) to become involved as this would help me see the children again.
On the back of this my ex partner made up false allegations of domestic abuse and mental abuse and suddenly attached herself to a charity that cared for battered women!!!!
The early contact team proved to be no help at all and eventually all contact stopped due to the abuse claims!! Over 4 months went by without me seeing the children at all. This left me with no alternative but to go to court again to try and enforce the original order spending over £1500 in order to do so. ( maxing out yet another credit card onlegal fees)
Despite me having proof of over 200 abusive texts and countless examples of her alienating me from my boys,the judge wasn’t interested at all in any proof and ordered a section 7 report to be carried out by the local social services. Again I just as told that this would be a good thing and this would enable me to finally see the children more. During the 10 weeks this has been taking place I have seen the children 4 times. The visits go really well only for me to be told a day or 2 later that the kids had told a few lies about the visit and that they hadn’t had such a great time ( I know this was not right as we spent the whole time having fun and laughing!!!!)
The time came to give the social worker my views on what I want contact to be. I believe that I was totally fair ( every other weekend fri -mon, half of holidays etc)
I have received recommendations from social worker and it states that I have them one night a fortnight and 2 weeks in summer hols!!! The kids stayed they only want to come 1 night a fortnight. It just so happens to be the same as what the kids mother said and they have just echoed almost every she had said. The social worker has said that she has to listen to the children’s wishes. The social worker has said she will review 8 weeks after order is in place). I understand this but surely she should be able to see that the children have been totally brainwashed, manipulated and scared to upset thier mother!!
So im back and court in a couple of weeks. My question is do I spend more money on a Soliciter as it seems pointless as the court are going to do what section 7 suggests and what the [censored] can I do to see my children and protect them from the manipulation they are getting.
I might also add that I pay Csa (£300 a month) , never missed a payment yet she tells the world via social media I don’t pay towards them!!
Sorry it’s been a long message but any help and advice would be really welcome.
If the court is only dealing with child care proceedings i dont think they would be interested in whether you have made payments or not. Well, they werent in my partners case as his ex tried to manipulate the situation by saying he hasnt paid even though he had, however as said judge was not interested. I do not believe they think paying for your child and seeing your child should go hand in hand which is why its dismissed.
My opinion:
I think the main thing is to focus on the children and not to prove how the mother is lying, i know its difficult but from the judge and caseworkers view it will only seem bitter and show how your focus is on the mother. I also understand it is what the mother is saying to the children that influences them but i would just try to push that aside and only mention how she disrupts contact which is not in the best interests of the children and you feel that is influencing their decision at the moment due to lack of contact.
Its very fustrating, but the focus does have to be on the child and how your relationship with them can only get better by being given quality bonding time with them and for contact to be as per the order and for contact to be on a continuous basis with no disruptions.
You just need to express why you think its best for the children to have a friday evening to sunday and how it will benefit your bonding time with them and how it would benefit having them for longer periods of time during all of school holidays etc.
Right now it is believed that the suggested s7 contact is best - but i think you should express how if you do not have the extended time now it is somthing you would like to be put in place after the review and give your reasons - i.e children more confortable/gives more opportunities/more bonding time with the extra night/no disruptions with contact so they are more willing (i cant be specific to your reasonings but keep them based on the child)
Did they visit you whilst the children were in your care? If not, maybe ask in 8 weeks review that someone actually sees you whilst you have the children so they can see for themselves that they are more than happy confortable etc?
And to be honest any breaches i would just enforce and self represent - nothing may happen (as from our experience it hasnt) but they will make sure contact is reinstated and to be honest thats the most important.
I can't say what i suggested is the right way to go about things but that is what i would do. All the best
Hi there
Perhaps you could prepare a progressive schedule of contact, making the S7 recommendations the starting point. Suggest that the one night a week be in place for 8 weeks and after review, if all is well then that could be increased to two nights a fortnight for another 8 weeks, and then perhaps move onto Friday - Monday when the kids go back to school after the Christmas break.
If you have any photos of you and the kids having fun, take them with you to court and try and think of reasons why a Friday to Monday would be good for the children... for instance handovers at school gives you the opportunity to get involved with their school, get to know their teachers and show the children that you are interested in their school life and can encourage and support their education. Making the point that it's in the children's best interests for you to be involved in that way.
Share your own experience of what the children say they would like when they're with you, suggest that the children may be picking up on the mothers anxiety and have shared their wishes and feelings as what they think their mother would want. Perhaps suggest that to reassure the mother, a call at bedtime when they're with you might be helpful.
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