[Solved] Dads Visitation rights for new born

Hello UpsetGranny,

What the Mum has said the Health Visitor is saying that the baby "should not be away from the Mum outside of the house as she is too young," I find rather ludicrous. I say this on the proviso that the baby is in good health and there are no safeguarding issues. If the baby is breast fed and milk expressed to feed her when she is with her Father then that is not an obstacle either.

In my opinion a father can love, care and cater for the needs of a baby, toddler and young child equally as well as a mother. Obviously the only thing they cannot do is breast feed.

If that is the view of the Health Visitor it would be interesting to know her opinion on the many babies that are cared for by nursery workers for hours on end.

Please note that it is my personal opinion (as a Grandmother) which I express.

I wish you well and hope you and your Son continue to have contact and enjoy the new arrival in your family.

Hi Motherofafather

Baby is in good health and mother is not breast feeding. We had our grand daughter for a few hours on Friday and again all day on Sunday, this was not a problem then as my son and the mum were still together , the whole relationship is a long story, but now it's over the games are starting, we were not asking for the baby to stay overnight but to come to our house for a couple of hours after my son finished work. He does not get home until 6.45 pm, baby could be home by 8 as they live 5 minutes up the road. Mum lives with her parents and has said that my son can go to her house to see the baby, but that maybe a little awkward now they are not a couple and her parents will also be there.
I am so angry right now I want to have words with them all but don't want to jeopardise the situation

I'm not saying I agree with the HV but 3 weeks is very early for anything to be settled and especially if emotions are running high due to them splitting so recently. I think you all need to take a step back and take this a day at a time and see how things progress over the coming weeks.

A baby of 3 weeks old would rarely be left with a nanny or nursery worker regardless of the feeding situation and for now, maybe pick your battles wisely and encourage your son to visit at the mother's home so that they can hopefully build some trust and find a way to move forward as separated parents.

If there are arguments already about where contact should take place, this could set the tone for the future and as we see here on the forum regularly, it doesn't take much for a situation to deteriorate quickly. If your son and his ex can find their own way forward and try to be amicable, I'm sure it won't be long before he will be able to bring your grandson to visit.

Hello UpsetGranny,

I fully understand how upset and disappointed you must feel. Whatever you do you must NOT let your Son's Ex and her family know how upset and angry you feel. If you did, you could be making matters a lot worse, not only for yourself but also for your Son which I know you would not wish to do.

If I were you, I would stay in the background, take no action and make no adverse comment about her to anyone or make comment as to what is happening between the parents. Obviously you need support to do this and hopefully you have a close friend or relative you can take into your confidence.
I believe your role at present is to stay in the background and support your Son by listening and supporting him with the baby if required.

It is extremely disappointing to have had the baby visit and now been told he/she can't visit but let's put all the emotions to one side (difficult, I know, I've been there) and take things one step at a time. You have to do this as the matter is out of your control and that of your Son's AT PRESENT. I would encourage your Son to go and visit his Ex to see the baby as often as he is invited irrespective of the fact she is living with her parents. If he goes he must be on his best behaviour as the most important thing is for him to see the baby and build a bond with his child. It is so important your Son keeps his emotions in check and keeps things as friendly as possible with his Ex and her family as he does not want a non molestation order served on him.

I would advise your Son to keep a diary of when he visits the baby and how long for. Also if it should happen (which I hope not) any false accusations levelled at him or unreasonable behaviour should be noted.

The situation may be resolved amicably if for the next few weeks everyone keeps calm. If matters do not improve then it will be time to reassess the situation.

If the Health Visitor did say to the Mother what was relayed to you then I can well imagine a young mother taking note of what a professional person advised and acting accordingly. In saying that I do not condone the change of heart in stopping the baby from visiting your Son particularly as mentioned previously, babies of 6 weeks of age are accepted into nursery, cared for by strangers, some from 8.00 in the morning until 6.00 in the evening, five days a week. We don't know what or if anything was said by the H.V. but for the time being, be patient and wait to see how things pan out.

It is a time of enormous readjustment for everyone and the more amicable it is in the next few weeks the quicker things will get resolved hopefully.

Hi there

its always difficult finding a way through problems that arise after separation, especially when a child is involved.

If your son is named on the birth certificate, there's no reason why he couldn't contact the HV and discuss the situation with them, or perhaps your son could agree to attending at her home but request that she also brings baby to your house, to give you a chance to continue with the bonding process. I'm sure she has ventured out to the shops with the baby, all new mums want to push their little one out in their new pram.....perhaps you could suggest meeting up for coffee orr lunch somewhere.

As has been said, give things a chance to settle down, her hormones are still all over the place and she will have a lot of adjustments to make because of the new arrival, she will be tired from the night feeds and these are all factors to consider.

Being understanding and kind at this time should encourage the mother to come round and help to set the framework for the future hopefully, if not then there are options open to your son once the baby is a little older.

All the best