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Hi guys,
My first post here and a little bit nervous about it. Hope some of you may be able to offer a young man some words of wisdom.
To put some background to my story, both me and my partner are 22 years old and recently lost 2 babies to a miscarriage (same pregnancy). 1 at 6 weeks and another at 11 weeks. For obvious reasons this is a really hard time for us both.
I feel I have had to shut it off and put everything to the back of my mind, I needed to be strong for my partner, when she needed me. Now we are 2 months on the gap they have left is just as big for us both but I can't explain how I feel to her. I'm also really struggling to keep it all under wraps, we are arguing a lot and I'm struggling to hold it all together.
Hopefully there will be some guys out there that can help me, any tips or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.
Hello alex_94,
It is a very sad and traumatic time for you and your partner. You are both grieving for the loss you have suffered. There are many stages of emotions associated with grieving. Some people will go through possibly all of the stages, others may go through some but not others. Each person grieves in a different way, there is no right or wrong way to grieve, one person may be going through the anger stage whilst another may be suffering with the overwhelming tearful stage.
You have, quote, "...put everything to the back of my mind,..." in so doing, you are suppressing normal emotions which you need to express openly.
When a person suffering grief tries, quote, "to keep it all under wraps," it is not healthy to suppress natural feelings associated with grief and it can make you feel isolated and leave you struggling to cope. You need support as much as your partner does.
Communication (talking and listening) with your partner is so important where you can speak freely and openly together about how you are each feeling. It is very important that you both accept that you are individuals and may be at a different stage of grieving to the other. If you can comfort one another, accepting whatever stage the other is at in the grieving process then I believe this would be of enormous benefit to both of you and would help enormously the healing process.
If you need further help to unravel the emotions you are both feeling to enable you to move forward you could both go to see your G.P. to ask for a referral for counselling.
I would reinforce what MoaF has posted, I would say it's absolutely essential that you get to your GP and get some counselling - you are both grieving so you can't be giving your best support to each other.
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