[Solved] CSA & Ex stopping contact

Hi there

I'm sorry to hear you're being prevented from seeing your children, it's always difficult when the parent with care of the children decides to move.

The fact that you've had an agreement in place for 10 months which has been working is good. The trouble is that there's nothing that says she has to do this, unless there's a court order that states it.

The only thing I can suggest is mediation to try and sort this out. If you are on a low income or receive benefits you may be eligible for Legal Aid to cover the costs for mediation. Here's a link to mediation services

www.nfm.org.uk

If mediation doesn't work then the next step would be an application to court, but there are no guarantees you would be successful, as I said, the fact that you have an agreement in place for her to do the pick ups would go in your favour.

Hi Brain,

I agree with Mojo... Mediation is a great route to take and can lead into court... However it can be a longer process.

I think your ex has been reasonable... Alot of guys get it worse off. What I would say is... just stick it up ... arrange to go pick your children up as do not forget unfortunately she is the resident parent and it is likely to play 'ball' like how she wants it and keep it amicable... UNLESS ... you dislike her thinking/approach then you will probably have to go through mediation and if that fails... it can be more costly then a bus fare you would have paid in the fist instance.

Hope that helps a little to consider things.. any questions we all here to help.

keep well.

The sad bit is if you claim travel expenses on CSA, she would be worse off financially. At the end of the day, do you very best to spend time with your children and make every effort to learn how to drive if you are able to.

Hi there, the issue isn't the bus fair to be honest.

When I was 18, myself and my sister were violently assaulted and hospitalised by 3 drug dealers for no real reason. (myself or my sister do not have criminal records, or sordid pasts, it was a one off incident). We brought charges to these people and were the first to do so and there for I have a special place in their hearts.
they put us through quite a lot of intimidation, threats and violence after the incident because we decided to press charges. The mother of the children knows all of this, as she was with me when I have recieved threats and witnessed some of it.

They all live in the same house, which is about 15 doors down from where my children live, they still make threats when they see me shopping, in the park, out doing chores etc. I don't want to put myself in a position where those people can predict where I'm going to be at a set time and date, week In, week out. Nor do I want those people finding out who my children are. I'm quite happy to meet my ex anywhere else on the planet to pick the children up. But she will not have it. I just needed some clarification whether I am being difficult here as she is suggesting? Also, I have a lot of texts of her literally stating that she does not care about what's best for the children, but what's best for her. Obviously emotions can get in the way of a decision when it comes to your children, which is why I came here.

Thankyou for the suggestion of mediation, I have made that call this morning. What does that entail?

And thankyou for the swift and informative replies. It's good to get some feedback.

BF

I can fully understand why you want to steer clear of that place and hopefully if she agrees to attend mediation you can talk this through and reach an agreement.

Mediation is where you and your ex and a trained mediator will sit and discuss the issues that are causing the problem and through discussion try and reach agreement. It can mean making compromises, but that applies to both of you. The fact that she drives and the agreement between you has been working well for so long are points in your favour. Surely she must also accept that by insisting that you pick the children up she is in fact putting them at risk.

Usually you would attend the first appointment alone and talk to the mediator about the issues and what you would like to happen, the mediator would then write to your ex and ask her to attend.

Best of luck.

You asked how it would affect your CSA payments, if te CSA has made a reduction for the number of nights the children stay with you then your payments may go up. you may be able to claim a variation for travelling expenses which might even it out a bit. Here's a link that gives more info on variations and how to apply

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/children-and-young-people/child-maintenance/child-maintenance-2012-scheme/child-maintenance-reviews-and-appeals/the-2012-child-maintenance-scheme-grounds-for-a-variation/

Hi and welcome to the forum

I would suggest mediation would be the appropriate first step in this instance. Like Mojo, I fully understand why you would want to steer clear of the area and not put your children or yourself at risk.

I wonder if offering to contribute to the cost of the petrol (if you haven't already) might be something you could bring up at mediation too.

Travel and handovers are a very grey area in the courts and as always it is ultimately a decision for a judge to make. I haven't had experience of a case identical to yours but I really can't see a judge forcing you to collect and return the children to a place where any of you will be put at risk.

Good luck with it all.

Good luck BrianFantastic. Thanks for clarifying the bus part. Makes perfect sense.

I hope mediation works but this is the first stage towards arranging contact. Depending on your finances I am sure if you are on the dole you get support for costs for mediation however if working I believe you pay about £80 an hour. usually takes 2-3 visits and if that fails you go to court.

Keep hold of all evidence and keep them safe as you might need it one day. Also it is a good habit to start logging any evidences/communication with ex... just a good habit to have.

Keep well.

Thank you guys for the support and advice. I work and I don't mind paying for mediation if it gets results. Your advice has put my mind at ease. Thankyou so much guys.

With regard to evidence, I have texts that have been sent. Is that enough? It very clearly states everything I have said in previous posts.

Thanks again,

BF

If these people find out who your children are, what is the likely consequence? If they are possibly in danger because of it, then I'd have a word with Children's Services - I'm not sure what they may or may not do, but it's certainly worth exploring.