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Hi
My partner has been going through the court process for 4 years to see his son who is nearly 6. It will now be the 10th time the matter has attended court and Each time the court order has been enforced the mother has allowed his son to visit our home at first however it was always hit and miss for a few week and then contact stopped completely for months at a time until the next hearing. She has used many different reasons in court for her non compliance including not knowing our address and being bed ridden etc which were all lies. She has persistently manipulated every situation when speaking to cafcass and CSA however my partner has always payed child maintenance from birth every month and has bank statements to prove this. It has been evident that although I do not get involved with the matter and I have never met her in person as my partner picks him up alone, she does not want her child to have a relationship with me when he visits our home and is extremely jealous when he goes home happy.
Up until last year she has used the reason that their son does not want to come and is screaming (we have never witnessed him screaming). She had forced him to tell my partner he doesn’t want to which has made his son cry at handovers on several occasions. My partner has turned up every time and sent messages and no response, he has also witnessed her dragging his son to the car and forcing him to say he doesn’t want to go which has been reported in previous position statements. She used to ring when he was at our home however his son has secretly refused to speak to his mum as he is scared to admit he wants to sleep the night and begins to cry as she demands he is to ring her all the time/ bring him home earlier and persistently interferes with contact. Their child is under extreme pressure not come and it is very concerning of the emotional effect which we have also expressed in statements as he is crying to my partner saying his mum is saying to him ‘i am going to miss her way to much if I sleep and I should ask to go home before bed’ It has all been reported in statements along with many other incidents including her verbal abuse towards my partner at handovers which she has been warned about by several judges. Last year failed to attend some court hearings and was therefore found in contempt of court but
unfortunately has continued with her abnormal behaviour.
This year She was also to provide a GP report regarding her mental health and her evidence of being bed bound but failed to bring it to the last hearing and stated she was unwilling to pay the £70. This was not mentioned again and I believe she does not have to provide it now and it has been dropped however we believe it should be looked into again regarding her mental health. What do you advise we request regarding this please?
The last hearing was a month ago And for not providing the GP report she was issued unpaid work, the judge also confirmed to her and my partner that their child is clearly happy and smiling in the pictures which my partner had provided however she has continued to breach the order again and their is another hearing due in June to review. It also said on the court order that it will be assessed by caffcass if their is unpaid work available. Does this mean that their is a chance that she may not receive the unpaid work and if so what will happen then?
She is now laughing at the fact she has community service saying I haven’t got it yet have I.
It is clear now that even the process of unpaid work has had no effect as she has only allowed him to come once and is still claiming he is unhappy yet my partner sent her the reassurance again of his son having a good time which he is doing for evidence in court as it is working however she is extremely unhappy about this and has now said thier son has been diagnosed with anxiety due to my partner taking her to court all the time however we believe he should not know about this process as he is to young and this is clearly another attempt to alienate my partner and to scare him into giving up on his son. She has also contacted my partners family members and claimed that her son is suffering mental abuse because of my partner even though she is the one who is emotionally abusing him as she is so desperate for him not to come.
I would just like to know has anyone experienced false allegations in court and what was the outcome and concequence of this and how to prove it is actually her ?
My partner has used solicitors in the past however it is expensive and we feel it has been more successful since he has represented himself and provided his own evidence with my support as nobody nose the case better than him. Unfortunately there is no more information or advise on the internet at this stage in the process.
Your partner and his son remind me a lot of me and my daughter, and we've been going through pretty much all the same stuff with her mum - the lies, the manipulation of my daughter, the obstructed and missing contact (only the other day was my ex telling my daughter to tell me that she doesn't want to stay with me more than one night at a time, when she actually tells me she wants to stay for '100 sleeps'). She also has mental health issues which she has been hiding from everyone. Hopefully the court will insist on her medical records this time. I've only took her to court once so far. I'm in the process of trying to get Legal Aid to go back to the court this summer. Ten times in four years is absolutely crazy. You wonder at what point the court will realise something more needs to be done to stop your partner's ex's ill behaviour and abuse.
I'm gearing up for all the lies and manipulation during this second court hearing, if we get there, from my ex. So I'm interested to see what gets said about that in this thread, and how best to deal with it. Cafcass seem to like to take the mum's word, no matter how absurd it is, for the sake of making their lives easier and having less paperwork to do.
As I said, I've only been to court once so far, so I can't offer too much advice on that front, but I'm interested to hear how this turns out for you all. I can recommend this book though, which I've started reading. There's lots of useful info for parenting a child who is being made to think you're the bad guys: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Co-parenting-Toxic-Ex-Ex-Spouse-Against/dp/1608829588/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1527016707&sr=8-1&keywords=co+parenting+with+a+toxic+ex
Hi there
Its such a travesty that your partner had had to endure the court process for 4yrs.
As slow and frustrating as it must be, his case does seem to be progressing. The fact that the judge has penalised her non compliance with unpaid work is to be welcomed. It sounds to me that the court is running out of patience with her.
When in June is the review hearing set for? Perhaps your partner should write to the court, marking it for the attention of the judge, to tell them about the current breach and safeguarding concerns in regard to his sons anxiety. He could also call CAFCASS about his concerns.
All the best
Thankyou for the advise on the book and hope your case is not as long as this one! Most of the time a warning from a judge and in the court orders regarding imprisonment is enough to shock them into compliance but unfortunately this has had zero effect over the years in our case. I believe she thinks that because she is the mother this will never happen to her.. but it does very rare but it does happen.
The review is at the end of June he will be doing a statement and filling it to court however my partner is hoping that they believe that it is her behaviour that is effecting their child as she has convinced herself that it is me and my partner and will go great lengths to try and convince the judge this in court. We are hoping that the judge believes it is her and orders the GP report again and a proper investigation by caffcass to speak to their child as it is appalling he is still been made to feel under this much pressure regarding visiting and nothing has been questioned regarding this. The last thing we want is to drag a child into this but it is now the 10th time and surely the short term affect of an investigation out weighs the long term harm she is causing him. We are hoping that the judge takes my partners word that it is her and not believe her manipulation she has been using in every chance she gets.
Also caffcass can only ivestigate if the judge orders them to. She is now claiming she can’t wait for caffcass to speak to him and the truth will come out however we know she has been in the process off programming their child over the last few months so he is ready for when/if caffcass do speak to him as she is so desperate for him not to come she is putting her child through this.
If the case is ongoing, cafcass can intervene without having to be ordered... it’s worth talking to them.
It’s also worth writing to the judge to inform him of the continued breach and the effect on his son.
Its just not possible to predict outcomes, but it does look to me that the judge has the measure of her, just keep on doing what you can and get a good strong statement filed.
All the best
I agree with Mojo. Definitely try and speak to Cafcass prior to the hearing & prepare a strong position statement for the next hearing. She can't and won't get away with this forever.
Thankyou for your advice previously it helped as my partner got in touch with caffcass and they spoke to the mother too, they did a full report prior to the hearing and she told cafcss her child has anxiety however after speaking to my partner and the history of the situation it was found that it was her fault and her emotional abuse why he has anxiety. It also stated that my partner only wants to see his son and she has persistently interfered with contact throughout and that she agreed she understood the emotional harm if she continues her behaviour. ( she never reported her allegations which proves she had lied )In the hearing the judge told her directly it is her and she will be sent to prison and ordered her 80hours unpaid work however she was extremely cocky towards the judge and he demanded my partner see his son starting that day. Straight After the hearing she texts my partner saying she is not scared of prison bring it on and states that she believes the courts just want it in and out there not bothered about the situation.. obviously in complete denial. She has again only allowed their son to visit on one occasion since the hearing out of a possible 8 times and after that one visit she made different allagations which are again all lies. It is looking like she is allowing him to visit on the odd occasion so she can think of a lie so she can stop contact. Now we are going to send an email to the last judge who was extremely firm with her we are stating that she has again continued to willfuly undermine and disrespect the law and causing further emotional harm to thier child therefore we would like the matter to be returned back to court as unpaid work has had zero effect. Surely they must see by now that she clearly has some kind of personality disorder due to the constant lies and manipulation is just unbelievable. Fingers crossed that we are getting closer to a result we’re he can finally see his son for good whether it be a change of residency or prison because it doesn’t look like a fine will change anything.
*the judge said said she will be sent to prison if she carry’s on her behaviour she has not actually recieved it yet
There is 0 evidence that enforcement orders work.
Has your partner considered submitting a request to have the mother assessed by an independent expert ?
http://www.familylawweek.co.uk/site.aspx?i=ed160413
https://www.justice.gov.uk/courts/procedure-rules/family/parts/part_25
Sorry, I'm having bad brain fog today and struggling to read those articles. Is about assessing for a mental health condition? I'm seeing a solicitor next week, and getting my ex assessed for her mental state is one of things I'll be asking for - I've had no luck before.
LC - glad to hear the judge took her behaviour seriously and got unpaid work, although I hope the judge will bring it back to court and send her to prison. My ex has a personality disorder, so I'm all too familiar with the 'no rules apply to me' attitude they have. Prison is the only option. Even then they will carry on. But your partner's son will see through his mum's behaviour in time. Kids are smart. And if it ever comes to it and your partner has to prove he's the good guy to his son (and hopefully it won't) your partner will be able to show him the documents that prove he took his mum to court several times, that she was fined with unpaid work, and possibly even prison - when he's old enough, of course.
Definitely get that book if you haven't already. Even if his ex doesn't have the personality disorder it references, all the advice and rules it sets out can still be applied and it's the best thing I've done since leaving my daughter's mum, to the point that the government should be issuing it to separated dads themselves as essential literature.
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