[Solved] corona virus

thanks for everyones replies I appreciate them sorry I havnt been on in awhile it's been pretty hectic.

I've been going to see my daughter on a Tuesday for a few hours but keeping distance no hugs ect

my daughter has told me many times her and her mum meet everyone go to people houses have people around ect and it's not a big deal. this was the reason I was reluctant on having her mix with us because my ex is a moron

anyway been seeing her this like for weeks now daughters happy but mum is a nasty [censored] been telling my daughter I only pay this much csa only pay that saying I'm a lyer same old [censored].

when I was last with my daughter I mentioned soon I'll start taking her out places just me and her when it's a bit safer and she said ok. then my ex msg me saying right she said your taking her out I suggest you do 9-4 every Saturday.

that proceeded into a shitty argument how I favour my other kids (2 kids I have with my partner ) over my daughter and I treat them differnt.

I replied saying I love them all the only difference is my 2 kids at home I dont have to deal with her kicking off 24 7 that turned into another argument saying my daughter will realise blah blah I'm a [censored] dad standard stuff.

i mentioned to my daughter last time if contact ever stopped it wouldnt be down to me stopping it

( its stopped loads because my ex doesn't get her way.) her reply was mummy said itll stop only if u dont treat me right like my sister. her sister doesn't see her dad because he dumped the mum.

my ex is a nut job she also said to my daughter that I should spend less on trips with her and give her more money and my daughter agreed saying why dont I shes 9 years old and very very easily swayed and manipulated she does alot for attention.
anyway shes also told my daughter about [censored] and let's her watch 18 plus horror films and because shes been told in a [censored] way she says she wants [censored] with everyone including me I've tried to explain about it all but shes only 9 and my ex has already done the damage with that talk.

anyway my current partner hates it and really doesn't want us to mix anymore wants me to see her just me.

(in the past my ex reported us all to the point we almost lost the kids and it didn't stop there. she only agreed to me seeing her because I didnt lose my kids. if I lost them she wouldnt of let me see her)

it's all a mess

One of the hardest things to learn for people in our position is to not engage in arguments.

Just do not engage. It's never fruitful.

It's never rational. You'll never win.

And it's like trying to fight a pig in a shtty mud puddle - the pig enjoys it, you might win but you'll be covered in sh*t and you'll smell.

State things as matter off fact (to arrange contact etc...) - state them once, and move on. Never argue.

Do not take the bait. Ex's are excellent at baiting you in to introduce some drama to spice up their boring lives . Don't give them that satisfaction.

I agree. If your current partner is willing and can take a step back, next time you want to reply to your ex, type the message, but don't send it for an hour - then see if you want to change it, and then have your partner look at it from the view of how it could backfire if you sent it, and only then send it.

Also, don't look at messages as soon as they come in, otherwise your ex is controlling your life - set aside a time to do it.

for me if i get weird messages from the ex, its not long before i get wound up and end up making personal attacks lol. i agree with above posters. no point in arguing to trying to change ex's mind, most are like a brick wall. threatening legal action has no effect.

thanks for all the replys
its mad even with a pandemic going on things never change lol lifes very short and because I've had to fight for so long my main aim is to keep a relationship with my daughter so when the restrictions are gone I can build it more from there because as long as my ex is in control I cant ever win.

it's been 9 years of constant [censored] and worry we both have beyone metal health issues due to it and barely keep afloat the main issue is my ex but it's so hard my ex starts to make the day I see my daughter such a daunting thought I dont look forward to it at all because of my ex. it makes me feel shitty but my anxiety goes through the roof. I'd love to tell my ex what I think of her lol

hi lostinblac,

if i remember, you were one that posted about your ex causing issues with your new relationship? hows things now?

hello yep that's me. same as before my partner wants it all sepeate now as even with lockdown my ex has constantly caused [censored] and it's generally made her really really depressed I feel as if it's either I see my daughter alone or we end up breaking up it's getting really hard

it sounds harsh but I've sort of realised my relationship at the moment witj my daughter will never be amazing because there is so much restriction and control. and best is to keep some sort of bond so when shes older itll be easier but it makes you feel shitty

it's good that you have a partner. help you take your mind off things. a convenient distraction from the current mess.

I do feel at breaking point shes been giving me [censored] constantly and it affects me so much my kids at home notice. I dont feel like I can keep this up its breaking me daily the mouthy messages i don't mouth off atall but I'm getting close to she needs throwing off a cliff. I just know if it stops I coildnt deal with court again mentally I'm at the end of it all I bite my tounge because each year is closer to she cant stop an older child but god its getting to me

keep your phone on silent or do not disturb. check phone for important messages now and then.

I've decided to see my daughter alone now sepeate from my life. its causing so many issues with us and I feel as if me and my partner will end up breaking up over it. I feel guilty but it's so so hard everytime and there is so much tension built up